Scarleteen

Hi,
I’m a 17 year old girl. I’ve had multiple boyfriends growing up. I’ve never felt sexually pleasured by any of them. I’ve done endless research on ways to make myself feel good. Not one has worked. I’ve tried the shower head thing so many girls swear by. Never worked. I started to think I was asexual at one point but I do get horny and have sexual desires... I really do not know what pleasure feels like. I have a boyfriend now and we do a lot of things. Nothing feels good like pleasurable stimulating it’s all numb? Feels like rubbing my arm. I expressed my concerns and all to my mom and she always told me it’s better that way and never considered if I have physical issues? I do have anemia which I read can restrict blood flow? Maybe that could be it? I don’t know. I just know I feel ashamed that I have desires and wants but nothing seems to futile it. I’ve read many of things similar to other girls but none with understanding responses. Most were along the lines of you just need to figure it out! He’s just not the right guy! You need to explore your body more! Like I haven’t already tried all of those... I’ve had multiple partners and not one could provide me with a sensational feeling people describe as pleasure. A lot of different girls describe when they were younger all the things they used to do to feel pleasure and I never did any of those things. I don’t put shame on other girls who did find themselves and what they like. I just wish I could feel something.

Hi Abelieba, and welcome to the boards.

First, some reassurance: You are definitely not the only one! Many people experience difficulty receiving pleasure, and there is no shame in that. Importantly, it's very likely that there *nothing* wrong with you. Experiencing pleasure can take a bit of practice, and it is definitely within your reach.

Pleasure is about so much more than just being touched right. A lot of it has to do with what's going on in your mind. Here's a good place to learn about alllll the different ways your body and brain are capable of experiencing pleasure. Can you read it and let me know what you think? With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

Often it can be easiest to start thinking about pleasure by first thinking of how you alone experience pleasure (sometimes figuring it out with a partner can be confusing, so we can come back to that in a moment). Can I ask if you masturbate, and whether that feels good for you? Are there things that feel pleasurable to you, whether sexual or not?