Scarleteen

I just need to rant for a minute, and I apologize in advance for the language in case people do not feel comfortable reading it.

As a black woman, I am so, so tired of racism. I’m tired of reading about another unarmed, innocent black person being killed by the police for some BS reasoning on their part. I’m tired of murderers (because that’s what they are) getting away with murder because we live in a fucking racist country with fucking racist laws that are only meant to benefit white people. I’m tired of people telling black people to not protest because you don’t know what it’s like to worry if a police officer decides to stop you because they think you’re a criminal because your skin is darker than theirs. I’m tired of people tone policing, gaslighting, and overall disregarding black people when we express our rightful frustration that we can’t exist without our existence always being In questioned, punished, or taken away from us. I’m tired of all the excuses for police brutality against black folks. I’m tired of reading about it in the news, on social media, everywhere I go. I’m tired that this is happening now, of all times, when we’re in the middle of a fucking pandemic (because racism doesn’t quarantine itself). I’m tired of the toll its taking on me and so many others like me. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of it all.

I’ve spoken my truth on social media and I’m taking a break from reading about it all the time. I need to take care of myself. I just need to rant so I can get this out.

For anyone who read through this, thank you for listening. I truly appreciate the support <3

I see you and I hear you, thewrit3r.

Your exhaustion is 100% merited and valid. Black Lives Matter.

Thank you for taking care of yourself by taking a break and by getting it all out here. <3 If there are things we can do to support you, please let us know.

Hi thewrit3r,

I feel the same way (as much as I can, anyway, while being a non-Black person of color). If I feel outraged and heartbroken and exhausted, I can only imagine what it must feel like to have your own humanity debated across the news and social media. That your life matters should not be a political or controversial statement.
Like Amanda, I'm really glad to hear that you're taking a break from social media to take care of yourself. What other things are you able to do to care for yourself and show yourself love right now? Are there other people in your life that can show you some extra love and support?

Hi Amanda and Al,

Thank you both so much for hearing me out. Honestly, I needed that. Listening is such a crucial thing to do yet so many people aren’t. So I really appreciate it.

I’m not sure how to help myself more. I’m with family and we’re definitely all grieving in our own ways. We talked about deleting social media for awhile (I just got rid of all my apps today) but I’m not sure how to draw the line of talking about it to vent and not traumatizing people. I have several friends (black and nonblack) and I’ve talked to some but I know this can be heavy for so many people that I don’t want to overwhelm them. I know it’s not the same if you’re not black but several other nonblack folks, especially brown and indigenous folks, have been through similar experiences with law enforcement and I can imagine that their trauma, while not the same as ours, is very much there and alive.

I was in therapy a few years ago and that always helped, but I love in a predominantly white town and I’ve never found a black therapist or someone who I felt comfortable talking about racism and its personal effects on me with. I know a lot of places are doing teletherapy now though which could work in my favor if I could speak to someone out of town who would be better suited to help me. Do you know how I would go about finding that resource (and one that’s affordable)?

Other than that I’m going to try to take it easy this week. I have a phone interview tomorrow (this is my third interview so I’ve got a pretty good shot at getting the job so that’s at least exciting ) but other than that I don’t have any plans this week. I really wouldn’t mind Zooming with some friends (I did with a friend last week and it was really nice) but I don’t want to ask if they’re not in a mental space to help. I do have some crafts I could do that I’ve been putting off, and as strange as it may sound cleaning up actually clears my head so I may do some late spring cleaning.

Honestly I just need to put more focus on my wellbeing and look at things that can help me feel better. I’m honestly not great at it. I’ve worked at it but it’s still hard for me to not want to help others and neglect myself, but I know I need to do it. And it will be good for me, especially now, to remember to take care of myself (And I hope you both are taking care of yourselves as well. This has been a stressful year for everyone<3)

Hi thewrit3r,

I hear you on trying to find that balance between having space to process and keeping in mind how traumatizing these conversations could be for both you and the people you care about. One of the layers upon layers of awful about this whole thing is that feeling that asking others for support, or even just trying to stay informed or help in some way, means having to confront something so deeply unjust and painful and expose yourself to even more hurt.

I wonder, is there any use in asking your friends ahead of time if they're in an okay headspace for the two of you to vent or process or, if you're in a headspace where you can do that, offering them the space to talk about all this? Sometimes being very explicit about acknowledging that a conversation could bring up trauma is a form of care, both for yourself and those in your circle.

As far as finding a black therapist, there are a few remote options you could look into. One is the Black Virtual Therapists Network: https://www.beam.community/bvtnnj. Another is Therapy for Black Girls, which has the option to search for a remote/virtual provider: https://providers.therapyforblackgirls.com/. It looks like the price of counseling might vary by individual provider in those networks, but that could also allow for you to work out a sliding scale with a therapist if money is a barrier to access.

(And because I want to acknowledge the happy news in the midst of the stress: Hooray for a promising job interview! I hope it goes well )

Hi, Sam,

I don’t know why I struggle with setting boundaries so many times (and that’s probably something therapy can help with!) but that’s a great idea! I think a part of me is still afraid of being vulnerable even in front of my friends. I’ve certainly gotten better at it but it’s definitely something I’m still working on.

Thank you so much for the resources! I did a quick search for one in my state and I’m seeing some providers that do take my insurance. I’m not sure I’m ready to open up to therapy right now since it’s fresh in my mind but I know it has been extremely helpful in the past and it’s nice to know that it’s there for me if I need it

Thank you! This could potentially be my first full time job out of college with a company I really like so far (the people I’ve talked to have been awesome) so I’m super excited. And if nothing else I’ll get to meet some awesome people which is never a bad thing

Hey, boundaries are hard! I think all of us struggle with them from time to time, and it definitely feels trickier to set them or shape them when it comes to subjects that already feel raw. I'd definitely bring it up if you find a therapist, and we cover boundaries in a few places on the site as well. We also refer people out to Captain Awkward, an advice columnist who talks a ton about boundaries.

I'm glad you were able to find some leads, even if you're not quite ready to follow them yet. Having a therapist who can understand your experiences with race on more than a surface level can be so, so important to getting what you need from the relationship.

One of the therapists I found had a podcast and I just listened to the episode and it was really what I needed to hear today. I’m sure I’m a little nervous going back to therapy but it’s been a what-if in my mind for months now. And some of them offered free consultants for half an hour so thats a great accesible way to see if someone is a good fit for me! Since I have the time I’ll definitely look into it this week. I think it could be really helpful right now<3

(I also think I just got into podcasts now so if you know any great ones on self-help/etc. I would love to check them out!)

Thanks for always being a safe space, scarleteen. I know talking doesn’t make an issue go away but I keep forgetting how much it helps me feel better to feel understood and have a place where I can start to heal.

I'm so glad those directories have connected you to some good leads! And I'm so, so glad you feel safe coming here to vent and ask for support. We're always glad to have you here <3

(I'm not a big podcast person, but some of the other volunteers might have some ideas!)