Scarleteen

Goodday (:,

Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for over 1,5 years and we are struggling with a problem. After a half year in our relationship, we started to have sex and after a few times it turned out that my girlfriend felt uncomfortable after having intercourse. She told me that her vagina got sore and that it should pass over. Now we are year further and she still has it and it is even worse.

Notice: this is from my perspective.
Whenever, we are starting to get undressed or when there is intimacy, I just somehow feel that she is uncomfortable. She has some issues with being open and taking initiative in the sex and while I am okay with it (every individual is different) and I try to help her, it doesnt work. I try to massage her, talk romantic to her and does everything she wants me to which helps for small amount of time. At the moment we are starting to have intercourse, I notice that she has tension. From the start of the intimate part of our relation, she has been a little nervous that it might hurt. However, I have the feeling that it cannot be the 'equipment' (I use a 60 cm condom which is a little tight; if a 62cm was available I would use that), because I believe that it is average. This started soon after we started having sex (We are eachothers first) and it gets only worse. At the moment, she is most of time so tensioned that we just stop and do sexually something else without intercourse.
We started digging last week and found something called vaginitis and that one of the causes is (un)observed tension in the pelvic area. We have the feeling that this might be the cause.

All in all, I am hoping to get some support on our situation: explanation of what is happening (since im male and dont really understand what is happening), if the size of my penis is the cause and most important of all: What can I do to help/support my girlfriend?

Kindest regards

Welcome to the boards, Sayania.

So, if and when people suspect -- or aren't sure, but have not ruled it out -- that pain or discomfort with sex may have a physical cause, the step to take is for that person to make an appointment with a sexual/reproductive healthcare provider to have that evaluated.

Has she already started getting any of that healthcare? If so, she can see whoever she normally sees for things like pap smears, STI tests or contraception for this care.

It sounds like, so far, there isn't any reason to presume it is physical (especially if other kinds of sex feel good for her), but again, if she wants to find out, that's generally easy enough to find out about and/or rule out.

In terms of supporting her in this process, I'd say the best thing to do, which is an easy one, too, is just to let her know that the only sexual things you two do should be the things that do feel good to her and do not cause her pain, and that you are 100% on board with that. And if that means no intercourse for a while, or even ever, then it does, and that's okay.

Okay thank you.

However, how strange it may sound, at first we would like to solve it ourselves with consulation. Even if would want to go, she doesnt and I respect that. And I agree with what I should do. I will definitely do that.

Unless you are up to getting medical training, you yourself, nor she, are not going to be able to determine if there is a physical cause for this.

Plus, as you likely already know, getting sexual healthcare is really important. And once someone with a uterus becomes sexually active, that preventative healthcare is essential to do things like screen for cervical cancer.