Self Esteem Issues

[theatreluvin]

Hi. So as you guys know, I’m really short. 4’10”. I’ve really started to resent my whole body lately. I’ve also been suffering a bit of anxiety(although that’s lessened slightly). The anxiety is not as a result of the way I feel about my body- it’s part of the spiral I get that I talked about before. But lately, I haven’t been wearing makeup (which I usually always do) and I just throw on whatever clothes I can find. I don’t even bother trying to look cute anymore. We talked about it before, and I’ve been looking at people who are short and successful, but honestly no one is out there that’s yknow, a model or a successful broadway actor like I want to be or something. Like I just feel angry with my parents for being this height. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and I’ll never be respected or considered hot. My boyfriend likes that I’m short but not because he likes my physical makeup... he likes that he can cuddle with me easier or that our relationship feels cuter. I really, genuinely hate my whole body. It’s just not fair. Any tips or resources or anything that can help?

[Alexa]

Hey theatreluvin,

I'm really sorry that you're having these invasive, negative feelings about your body. We actually have this amazing lil roundup of articles and songs to help folks out of a low self-esteem rut here. I would love for you to check it out and see if anything there feels helpful.

Do you use Instagram, Tumblr, or other social media? I've found it's really helpful to follow people who have body types like mine that I think are super stunning! It's really reassuring to see someone like me feeling super confident.

[theatreluvin]

Thanks for your resources. I’ll look at it all.

I actually deleted all my social medias in the beginning of quarantine. I found that it was feeding really negatively into my anxiety and it was a big source of stress for me.

Also, TOTALLY off topic, but what does it take to become a Scarleteen volunteer? Has COVID affected your jobs much?

[Sam W]

Honestly, I'm pretty dang impressed that you deleted all those channels! That's a really good way of protecting your mental time and energy.

I've found that some general body positive mindsets help me a lot with my own feelings about my height; things like reframing how I think about it for myself, finding examples of my body type that I admire (athletes are actually a helpful starting place for this), and finding ways of dressing that help me show off the parts of my body that I do like.

As for your other question, we're actually in the middle of finishing up a re-vamp of the volunteer process! And for those of us who are staff, COVID has mainly been a thing that makes us look for additional ways to help users, since we've been doing online work for a long time.

[theatreluvin]

Okay. I’ve been hesitant to say because I seem like I don’t have my sh*t together from some of the questions I ask up here haha but I really would like to volunteer. Some of the questions that are asked up here I totally feel like I can offer some good advice for.

All of this insecurity had a valid reason though— My boyfriend’s ex girlfriend (the one from a question or two ago) snapchatted him a nude. That’s why I got so insecure because I hate to admit it but she’s SUPER hot!! And she’s done this before... break up with him and then send him naked pics or text him saying she misses him. This is not a new occurrence. He ended up blocking her but she texts his phone or even emails him. We’ve been hesitant about posting anywhere that we’re staying together or telling people because it’s not anyones business, but people have been seeing us together a lot more now that he picks me up from work and we go grocery shopping and things like that. I’m just sick of her doing things like this. I live in a town where everyone around my age knows each other cause there’s only one high school for miles. So I know someone told her.

[Sam W]

Ooof, that is definitely the kind of thing that can be a blow to your self-esteem. I'm glad he blocked her on at least one platform, but it sounds like he needs to block her pretty much everywhere. Is that something he's already done?

With volunteering, definitely keep your eye out over the next month or so, as I believe our next call for volunteers will be going out then. In the meantime, contributing to conversations in the user-to-user sections of the boards is always encouraged.

[theatreluvin]

He hasn’t blocked her everywhere cause he still thinks he’ll apologize for cheating on him. So he won’t block her anywhere else but snapchat. He doesn’t have an instagram or twitter.

[Sam W]

I see. So, while he ultimately gets to decide how to manage his own phone, I'd recommend blocking her because it's clear that, rather than using those channels as a way of trying to apologize, she's using them as a way to flirt and/or mess with him. Plus, her actions are contributing to you feeling insecure. Have you asked him to block her on those other channels?