Scarleteen

Hi,
I’ve had my period for years now but I’ve never really tried tampons before. This time I decided to try them and I really can’t get one in further than the tip without it being really painful and uncomfortable. I’m using small tampons and I’m sure I’m putting them in the right place so I’m confused as to why they just won’t go up I’ve tried both applicator and non-applicator tampons and neither worked.
I’m still a virgin as well and this makes me worry that I won’t be able to have sex if I can’t even get a tampon up there.

Hi tearsforfears,

Tampons can be tricky if you're new to using them. One of the things that can actually have a big influence on the ease of getting them in or out is the position you do it in. When you try to insert them, are you sitting? Standing? Laying down?

That fear that if you have trouble inserting a tampon you'll have trouble having vaginal sex is a common one. But, in most cases that isn't what ends up happening (in part because there's lots of ways to have sex that don't involve putting something in the vaginal canal). One of the reasons for this is that, when you're aroused, the vaginal canal loosens, your body produces more lubrication, and the cervix pulls up to create more room. That's a very different situation from when you're putting a tampon in; you're probably not aroused, and you may even be extra-tense because you're worried it will hurt. Does that make sense?

Thanks for the advice
I’ve tried sitting and also standing with one leg on the sink but it won’t go in further than the very tip either way

Hi tearsforfears,

Can I ask if you're able, or if you've tried, to insert a finger into yourself first?

Trying to figure out where to go with the tampon won't give you much feedback to know if you're in the right spot or how relaxed you are. If you start with a finger (and you can use lube to help your finger AND the tampon slide in more easily), you'll be able to make sure you're in the right spot. Inserting a finger first may also help you relax more than starting out with the tampon; once you're more relaxed, the tampon may be easier to insert.

Hi tearsforfears,

Thanks so much for sharing this. I’ve had a very similar experience with tampons and I've worried about what that means for my ability to have vaginal sex.

Similar to what Amanda said, I've found that experimenting with inserting a finger really helped. I went extremely slowly, took a few deep breaths to calm and ground myself, and tried to relax my vaginal muscles, only going as far as was comfortable.

Another thing that helped me immensely was changing my mindset around vaginal sex. So much of the language I've heard and continue to hear surrounding vaginal sex focuses on this idea of “being penetrated” or having something “done to” the person with the vagina. Personally, this language feels invasive and somewhat aggressive (not to mention colonizing), and generally makes me tense up rather than relax. It also feels passive to me and doesn’t fully acknowledge my own agency as an active participant in that experience. So I've worked to replace that kind of imagery with the notion of my body “inviting” or “welcoming” something (or someone) inside, of my own choosing. That feels a lot more respectful and less invasive than having something being “done” to me, and it has helped me feel more relaxed when experimenting with my own fingers.

Best,

RoseGold