Vaginal first time

[Hedvig]

So, I've been quite antsy about penetration for a long time. Now that I have a boyfriend, and I think sex will happen sometime soon, I've taken to "practicing" with a dildo. Today I was able to do it with no pain -- I've had a bit of pain before, but today at most some minor discomfort. Doing this has made me a bit less anxious, and I've felt totally in control (duh, I was alone). Together with stimulating my clitoris it actually feels pretty good. I know it's a little dumb but I felt a lot of pride at being able to do this. I want things to go smoothly, and I really do not want to be in pain, especially not when it comes to my vulva/vagina.

The problem is, my boyfriend is quite a bit bigger than the dildo I've been using. I really don't want to feel pain. I don't think I can get any new advice on this (foreplay, lube, relax, I know the drill), I just want some reassurance I guess. Also, I know this is a stupid concern, but porn culture and all has still put the thought in my head. The fact that I didn't feel pain before doesn't mean I'm "loose" now, does it? Logically, I know no vagina will be "stretched out" by a penis, but I've noticed that arguing with myself on the basis of logic doesn't really help with these kinds of questions.

Anyway. Is there some way to avoid hitting my cervix during penetration? I think doing that is what has caused the most discomfort when I've tried by myself.

[Sam W]

Hi Hedvig,

It's not at all silly to feel pride when taking control of your body and pleasure; it's something that can be kind of hard to do at times! And you're right, the vagina won't become looser just from having vaginal sex. When you say you have trouble getting your brain to really believe things you know are logically true, is that something that happens only with sexual stuff? Or does it happen in other parts of your life as well?

Hitting the cervix can definitely be painful. Position and angle can help a lot with that (you may have to experiment a bit to find the ones that work best for you), as can communicating with your partner about whether they need to ease off the depth and use shallower movements.