Can’t finger(?)

[BPanther_L]

I have so many questions but for my first thing i guess I’ll start with what’s on my mind at the moment. I can’t exactly finger myself and feel anything good. I either feel discomfort, nothing, or pain. Nor do I exactly properly get “turned on” by anything really, if that makes any sense at all. I’ve never kissed anyone, dated, hung out with someone romantically, ever. So that may play as a factor into why I’m like this and I just have to be patient but I’m extremely curious as to why I’m like this. I can climax just not with penetration. I’ve heard that it can be a mental state kinda thing, and if I’m being honest I’ve alway been, for lack of a better word, afraid of that because that’s one place I can’t handle pain. Masturbation is a rare thing for me in the first place and has never really been cuz I wanted it more of a curiosity or even a boredom thing. And it makes me really nervous to think that if the time came for anything to do with that with someone else either I’d be in pain, or something else to happen. I know that this was kinda all over the place but this is the best that I can think of describing this. Thanks for reading all the way through and if this makes sense I would appreciate any advice at all

[Siân]

Hi BPanther_L

I'm glad you've come to us with your questions! Ask as many as you like

So like sex and romance, masturbation is something that everyone comes to in their own time and in different ways. Most people with a vulva orgasm much more reliably from external stimulation than internal - if putting your fingers inside isn't feeling good, that's not weird, it's really common! If you're worried about it hurting then you're right that that fear is probably stopping you from enjoying it. Is there a reason you want to keep trying? Why do you think it might hurt?

It's not at all unusual at your age to have not had sexual or romantic feelings for anyone - let alone have acted on those kinds of feelings. I guess that's partly because some of us start coming to those feelings earlier than others, and partly because it can take a while to find the people - or contexts - that turn us on. Some people go on to find that they are asexual, but often it's simply that those feelings aren't showing up as soon as we expect them. What do you think?

[Alexa]

Hey BPanther_L,

This is definitely the right place to have so many questions! I'm glad you came here to talk with us.

Masturbation and pleasure are so individualized. What feels good to one person may do nothing for the next. Getting to know our bodies can be a really daunting task at first -- but it gets easier with time, and it's *so* worth it in the end.

Many, many people can't climax with penetration alone. It's very common. So the question may not be whether being penetrated can make you orgasm, but rather, whether you enjoy it as its own experience. Have you read our article Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation? It may help to read up on a whole bunch of things to try re: masturbation and see if it sparks some ideas.

Let me know what you think of all of that! You can also ask any of the other questions you mentioned if you're comfortable doing so.