What does a future new relationship look like during COVID-19?

[Sabine]

So, I want to have a relationship so bad and I know what I want. But, the situation looks more bleak for me. I may have to stay in Austria for a little longer, maybe even for the rest of the year. Perhaps, I will have to have a long distance relationship or a relationship close to my country (in Europe).

I had this dilemma, because I have a crush on the girl in Holland. I friended her, but her profile was not found on the app and quickly got deleted.
But, I want to start connecting with people via video call on my dating app and the people I connect with on the speed dating events (and maybe if I talk it out with my parents Bumble and/or Tinder), but how? I want to be safe and considerate of their feelings. How do I start doing that and connecting with people there? How do I connect with people more often and make note of that?

Also, I am holding out for one other service, which is a matchmaking service by two influencers who do speed dating events. I want to try it and see how it works out, making sure it will be set to the Bay Area. However, I wonder, will people be wary or not have one with me because of my situation.

I want a relationship where it can last and see my girlfriend too for the longest time. However I also, I want to expand my options, especially with cornavrius. So what do I do? I know physical affection is my love language and long distance doesn’t usually go well with that, but what else do I do to maintain a potential new relationship?

[Sabine]

Also I have this other crush on this girl on my dating app, everything I want in a woman, long luscious (blonde dyed) hair, feminine, 22. I hope she at least accepts my friend request because she at least has a lot of friends on there!

[Alexa]

Hey Sabine,

I want to start by telling you how much I empathize with you! Dating during quarantine is not only difficult to navigate because of logistics -- it is also hard because we can't see into the future and know where and when we will be when it is safe to meet with new people again. It sounds like you've found a lot of avenues for meeting people, which is great!

Throughout this pandemic, have you been able to explore new ways to feel close with people who are not physically near? Phone or video hangs, texting regularly, playing long-distance games, writing letters, etc.? If not, Maybe exploring that -- with or without the romance element -- would be a good place to start building a foundation for potential long-distance relationships.

[Sabine]

Its been a hit or miss I have not done a phone call in a long time. Sometimes, I text with them and I don’t know how to play video games or watch movie long distance. I don’t know their addresses, but I want to send them letters.

I don’t know whats up. I want to make an effort, but everytime I do, I feel like I am busy of their busy or I am wasting their time. Some of my relationships have been draining on me too, one person has mainly talked about her stuff and her problems and has been upset. I need to initiate more and I don’t know about leaving the relationship.

[Sam W]

Hi Sabine,

If watching movies or playing video games with other people remotely is something you'd like to do, there's an increasing amount of guides out there to help you figure out how to do it (that kind of content has become way more prevalent since the pandemic started). As far as writing letters, what if you just asked them if they felt comfortable giving you their address so you could write to them?

Getting to know people can be pretty energy consuming, although if you notice you're always feeling drained after interacting with someone and it's still a very casual relationship, that's a sign that connection may not be a good fit for you long term. Initiating conversation, finding topics in common, and being interested in what the other person has to say are all helpful things to try when meeting new people. But it may also help to dial your expectations way, way back for the time being. As you said, we're in the middle of a pandemic, which means people's energy, focus, and priorities are different than they may usually be. Focusing on just fostering connection, rather than trying to meet a partner right away, can help take some of the stress off of you.

[Sabine]

Thanks so much. Any good websites to help me to watch movies or play games with friends? Also with addresses that may be a good thing.

This was a friend that was close with me and that I knew for years. She didn’t bother me after that. Should have checked in with her. Should have interacted with more friends too and should have gone out in Austria more (though most people don’t speak English). I am trying too, but I don’t know whats the struggle (a fear of rejection and a fear of hurting others maybe).

What bothers me even more is that my sister may be going away to Scotland for college and I may be on my own with my parents. Really not good. I feel like shifting my expectations is good, but still with my sister maybe moving its giving me more anxiety to not do social stuff because whats even the point when everything is going to shit. I may be stuck in Austria until Spring 2021 and like, who cares my friends and people I care about move on.

Also, some people on my current app are trolls and got deleted on the app (thank god). One event I went I was with two more people and the host didn’t show up. We interacted via text, but still it was a waste of time. It makes me want to distance myself a little from the app more, but I am hesitant. Now I want to join the matchmaking event and talk to my parents about Bumble or Tinder more and more.

How do I tackle these concerns to my parents and make a plan and sit down with them? And execute with them effectively?

[Heather]

Hey there, Sabine.

I think the first step with something like this with your parents is to ask if you can all sit down and have a talk about this. Maybe roll out that first talk as something where you just get to say how you're feeling and what you want, and then they get to talk about their feelings and concerns. In the event y'all have a hard time with each person (read: you) getting the same amount of uninterrupted time, it can be helpful to give each person a given amount of time, like each person getting to talk for 15 minutes without someone else poking in.

From there, you can then ask if you can start to have a discussion that involves all of you trying to find a place of compromise where you can get or explore at least some of what you want, and they get to also have their concerns addressed to some degree, too.

How does that sound?