Sex just doesn't do it for me.

[Zoia]

Annnddd Hi all!
The long awaited (lol) topic of me, and how I don't enjoy sex. Alright, correction, I enjoy like...the emotional connection to sex and everything that's nice. But any vaginal intercourse (even with myself) does NOTHING. It quite literally feels like if you put a finger in your mouth. Yeah you know its there, but its not pleasurable nor does it hurt. Though it can hurt if I'm not wet enough.
I've been trying to explore my options now that I'm finally alone...I bought a vibrator, the womanizer (every woman needs one, seriously), two dildos both small ones, with one being thinner, 3 butt plugs of varying sizes specifically meant to 'stretch' you, anal beads, and a vibrating small anal plug.
I do have a number for a sex therapist I still need to call, I don't know if they accept my insurance or not, but yes that is something that's on my mind.
I keep thinking I just need A LOT of stimulation for it to feel good, but now my issue is...my anti-depressants like..numb my clitoris or something. From a vibrator alone, I would be able to get about 10 orgasms before I was like aight I'm good. Now? The vibrator barely does ANYTHING. I CANNOT hand masturbate anymore, and even with the womanizer, I can only manager one orgasm.

Also to add which is super frustrating...I'm horny like ALL THE TIME. UGH

Any suggestions?

[Sam W]

Hi Zoia,

Three cheers for having the space to finally spend a lot of time exploring all your options for masturbating!

It does sound like your anti-depressants are playing a role here, since a common side effect of them is issues with arousal or orgasm. Which can be super-annoying and frustrating. Have you spoken, either to the person who proscribed the meds or another healthcare provider, about this issue? They may be able to work with you to adjust your medication to lessen this side effect and if nothing else they've likely counseled clients having the same issue in the past.

[Zoia]

Currently it's my regular doctor prescribing them, and I don't see her again until October. I did call her and ask for something for anxiety so they might want me to come in sooner I don't know. But that's why it's also funny, I am horny, and I am aroused, I just can't get there. And it makes me sooo much more frustrated.

[Mo]

If you're able to make another appointment to talk about the side effects your medications are having, it might be worth it. Sometimes there are alternative medications that won't have the same sexual side effects, and your doctor may be open to exploring those options, or to giving you a referral to a psychiatrist who can do a bit more in-depth problem solving about this side effect.
It can be a very frustrating process to try out different antidepressants when one is having negative side effects, but I do think talking to your doctor about that possibility may be a good next step. Sadly, if it is the medication causing this reaction (and based on your initial post it sounds like that's pretty likely), there isn't a great alternative suggestion I can give you. I want to acknowledge that this can be a really tough situation, to try and balance mental health needs with things like sexual response, and you aren't alone in having to deal with it.

[Zoia]

Sorry for the long response. I've had a lot of RL issues (which you'll know from my other area) and just been busy in general. I did take your advice and she has switched me to lexapro. I don't know how long it takes to like...switch? So I honestly haven't really tried. I'm on 10mg rn, and after 2 weeks it goes up to 20....and I have 2 more days at the lower. So...I don't know. I've heard it can takes a few weeks to a couple months for the transition. I still see her in October cause that's my physical but she's very glad I didn't wait and we can see how it works out. As a random, the one side effect from this one I noticed is I dream again. Part of the reason I smoke weed is so I don't dream. I really don't enjoy dreaming, I get a lot of anxiety dreams, or a lot of the same theme. And I eventually get dejavu dreams which are really disorienting.
I am sort of trying to quit smoking cigarettes...cause that whole blood flow thing, but it's been more difficult then I thought.

[Mo]

It can take several weeks for your body to make the adjustment to the new medication, and to adjust to tapering off of the old one; once you're at the higher dose you may still take a couple weeks to see how you're feeling and how things like your sexual response might be impacted by the switch. You may find that the dreams continue or that they fade out over time, but I have definitely heard stories about how some folks experience changes to the type of dreams they have, or how well they remember them, when taking various antidepressants. If you haven't talked to your doctor about the dreams, that may be something to bring up at your physical in October, just in case she has thoughts on ways you might be able to avoid the worst of them.

[Zoia]

Ehhhh, I'm kinda like...if everything else is being helped I'll suck it up for dreaming you know?
I just want my body to work properly and right like UGH WHY CAN'T I BE NORMALLLLL.
It is nice to know however that I'm not the only one, feeling kinda like a unicorn over here.
Okay, so after I switch to the higher dose...I guess I should expect at least a month then huh?
It's super frustrating cause I keep being like...should I masturbate today? Cause again, I can't get that 2nd one no matter how hard I try and I hate being impatient...but well we know. It's an overall enjoyable thing, and stress relieving and you know. So not being able to achieve what you want is a complete mind fxck.
I am hopeful, but it almost feels hopeless at the same time.

[Mo]

It's hard to know what to expect, in terms of how quickly you'll adjust to the new dose, but I think a month is a reasonable expectation to start with. Antidepressants can have very different effects on different people so it's tough to predict exactly how this transition will work for you.
In terms of masturbating, I wonder if it would help to approach it with the goal of feeling good, over the goal of Having An Orgasm, and to make sure to stop or take a break if you notice yourself getting really frustrated with the process. It might continue to be frustrating for a bit, as you figure out how your medication might be continuing to impact your sexual response, but if it's really feeling that way, stopping and coming back to it when you feel less stressed is probably a good idea.