Sam W wrote:Hi PartySarah,
It's awesome that you're starting to think about how to have these conversations; believe it or not, some people really go out of their way to avoid being honest with their kids about these topics.
I think you may be able to explain the dating aspect to your daughter sooner than twelve. It might not be as complex a conversation as you'd have with an older child, but if you end up with a partner who you want to bring home, there are ways of helping her understand that's not her dad. If you're not familiar with them already, I would check out some of Robie Harris's books; she has ones that cover explaining sex and bodies to younger children, as well as ones that talk about different types of relationships and ways families can look. Those could give you some ideas on how to explain dating to her in a way she'll understand. And, when she's a little older, "Wait, What?" by our own Heather Corinna can help with those topics.
Too, since you're feeling like casual encounters are what you have the bandwidth for, it sounds like getting creative with where you have sex is a good call. In that case, explaining things too her may involve more helping her understand that mom will be gone for a while that night. Is she already used to having a babysitter come and you go out to do something? Or would that be a pretty new thing for her?
A baby sitter would be unaffordable and it would be a very new thing for her, as I said before in other places on here, I am a lifeguard. That means I can take her to work and she can just hangout. So yes, it would be very new for her.
How can I get childcare affordably and explain to her that it’s OK and I’m fine?
How can I explain to her that mommy will be gone for a while & not to worry?
I would be back before morning, and make her breakfast, and otherwise have a normal day.
I will check out those books, as it would actually be great for my mental health (which would make me a better mom) if I could have a Partners (even maybe a bf) at the house at some point before she’s 12. It really help me to relieve some stress.
Like any sex is amazing. And the causal sex I’m gonna have is amazing (and thanks for supporting me though finding a safe and creative way to do that) and gonna make me a better mom by relieving some stress and honestly releasing some pent up sexual tension. But at some point I would like to enter a long-term relationship as both her and I get older.
Like people assume because I’m a mom I suddenly lost all sexual needs and that’s just not true.
It’s like to be a good mom I need to also have a adult sex life. I hope i’m not completely off.
How can I explain to her that mommy will be gone? Should I even go into why I’m heading out, (like obviously not in any detail because of the age thing, but should I let her know anything besides that I’m leaving?)
I will be open on here, and honestly I do feel like I am being selfish by trying to have a sex life instead of completely focusing on her, but as I go into above, I just feel I need and am ready for a sex life. Just as I wouldn’t expect her to be abstinent for me when she becomes a late teen (like 16-18) I just can’t give sex for her whole life. I hope I’m not being a crappy mom. How can I learn myself to be okay with having a causal sex life while still loving & being there full time for my daughter? Like I am emotionally ready, I just don’t want to not be there for my kid? I hope I am not crazy and hope you can help process all this.
Also for any other young single moms on here, what’s your experience with causal sex while having kids?
Also is everything alright, as my sex drive is even more as it was prior to my daughters birth? Isn’t my sex drive supposed to go down after I have a kid?
Also, for those who have causal sex, what’s the best protection?