Scarleteen

Hi, i’ve been carrying this for a long time and if you had any answers, it would be super helpful. I’ve been asking myself if i am just being useless or if my body is somehow broken. I’m an 19-year girl, i’m still a virgin and i’ve never managed any vaginal penetration. I’ve tried for years now to insert a tampon (every summer really) and i’ve tried to use a finger while masturbating but i can never go very far and it starts to hurt a bit. My friends don’t get why i’ll never go to the swimming pool with them on my period so i’m lying about it all together. They talk about it like using a tampon is actually easy and you just have to get used to it and it just seems like a me-problem. Am i doing it wrong or is something wrong with my body. I’ve tried some researches online but nothing comes close to what i am experimenting which is: i cannot seem to enter at all. I am afraid of just being ridiculous and too scared to tell anyone.

Hi Lostgirl555,

You're certainly not being ridiculous; it can be majorly stressful when our bodies don't do what we think they should. But, it may help to know that you're far from the only person who's had an issue like this. In fact, we have an entire advice column dedicated to this issue, including ideas for what to try to resolve it: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... hould_i_do. That piece goes into more detail, but I want to highlight that fact when we're tense, it gets extra-hard to insert things into the vaginal canal. If you have a history of trying to insert a tampon and it being painful, then part of what may be going on is that when you try the next time, your body remembers and goes "oh no, that hurt last time, I'm going to get tense."

Just to check, have you ever seen an OB-GYN? If so, did you mention this issue to them?

Thank you for your quick answer! I’m glad i’m not the only person dealing with this but i must say it doesn’t help too much.. i’ve never been to a gynecologist but i’ve thought of it. My mom doesn’t think it’s useful for me to go as long as i’m not having sex with anyone and i don’t feel like telling her exactly why i need to go. Not to lie, i’m also terrified and will probably break down in tears if they ask me to undress or just ask me why i am coming to see them. It doesn’t quite seem worth the trouble if the only thing they can tell me is to relax, which is clearly not my thing. Also i’m not sure i want to know.. i realize you can’t add much more than what you have already said. That’s fine

Actually, there are still some things to try if relaxation is a struggle for you! With the gynecologist, even if someone isn't sexually active, it's still sound to have a check-up to make sure there are no health issues that need addressing. And, if someone is having an issue like painful insertion of tampons or fingers, a check-up helps eliminate underlying causes. So, if your mom is hesitant to help you schedule one, you could tell her it's preventative care, just like a yearly visit to a general provider. That being said, it sounds like just the thought of a gynecologist visit is stressful for you. Why do you think that is?

Did you have a chance to read that article I linked you? Towards the end of it there's a list of things to try if inserting a tampon is painful. Have you done most/all of those, or are there ones that you haven't tried that you think are worth a shot?

Thank you. You’re probably right i will try to talk to her about getting me an appointment.
Well i usually am a stressed and private person. I would say the thing i am the most stressed about is the explaining my problem/talking part (which kinda feel like a failure on my part) and showing my intimate parts to them.
I’ve read the article, i think i may even have read it before actually. I’ve tried most of the listed things

I can understand a gynecologist visit seeming stressful if you're very private, for sure. Something to keep in mind, if you can, is that struggling to use a tampon isn't a failure or a sign that you're doing something wrong. If there is a physical underlying cause to the difficulty, that wouldn't be your fault any more than something like a heart murmur would be your fault. A good gynecologist will be used to people having a lot of anxiety or hesitation around a visit--especially a first visit--and will work with you to help you feel safe and supported.

Hi there, i did go see a gynecologist and i thought about updating this with the results. I have a tight septate hymen and cannot physically insert anything without hurting. That’s why none of the ‘being relaxed thing’ ever worked. My gynecologist’s pinkie was enough to hurt me and draw blood. She said it would tear during my first penetration (but it’s gonna hurt yeaah fun times) or if the pain were to be unbearable it could be cut. Concerning tampons she said i could try really small ones but seeing a pinkie is too big i don’t really see how that would work out. Anyway really not looking forward to my first time having sex being super painful so i’m thinking i may go see her again to ask for it to be removed if i were to have sex, even if she seemed to think it wasn’t necessary.

There's nothing wrong with electively having that done.

Mind, there aren't actually any nerve endings in the hymen, but as you probably know from trying with tampons, pushing on an inflexible hymen can pull at the skin around it that DOES have nerve endings and cause pain. Wanting to make it not a given that when you start having any kind of vaginal sex it isn't painful? I can certainly understand that!

A hymenectomy is a very, very brief, simple procedure, and because it's normal for that tissue to wear away over time, it usually heals up fast. If you want to go ahead and do it, I'd expect your GYN to support that choice.