Asexuality

[Miuna]

Hello.
Uhmm... I'm kinda shy to write about it, but here we go:
I'm a girl, 14 years old,and I need some help to understand my doubts about being asexual.

I've never dated before, just online-dating. The boy who I was dating was 3 years older than me, and he talked a lot about sex, sending me hot messages and... This things.

The thing is, I've never felt excited about it. Every time he started to talk about sex, my first thought was like "Why do people enjoy so much sex? What's so special about it?".

I masturbate, but I don't feel nothing special in it. After I finish, I feel guilty and wondering myself why I don't feel good feelings in masturbating.

There were some posts with questions like:
"If you could choose only one thing from all this things, what it would be?"
We had choices like: beer, cake, sex, and things like that.

I looked at the comment section. All of the people were saying sex.

I talked about that with my close friends, and they ask me like" Hmmm... Maybe you are asexual? "

I'm really starting to think that I Really AM assexual. Just thinking about sex makes me cringe and feel repulsive, and I don't feel like loosing my virginity never.

I already asked my friend (he is really close to me, and it's older than me too...) to send me a voice message saying dirty things. He did that, and that audio was really dirty, but I didn't feel any excited at all.

What do you think about that? Do you think I'm asexual?

Thanks a lot for your help, I hope you have a great day.

[Sam W]

Hi Miuna,

Some of the feelings you're describing do match with the experiences of some asexual folks. Were it just that your exchanges with your friend weren't turning you on, that could point to him just not being someone you found attractive in that way (after all, folks who experience sexual attraction don't feel it for every single person). But it sounds like sex in general doesn't hold much appeal to you, and even repulses you. When you look at articles like this one, do you feel like the descriptions of asexuality match with what you're feeling? Just the Basics, Ace: An Asexuality Primer.

Too, something to keep in mind is that you're ultimately the one who gets to decide what to label your orientation (or if you want to label it at all). So if asexual feels like the right term, you get to use it. And if later on you learn more things about yourself that cause you to take on a different label, that's okay too; sometimes we get information or have experiences that make us see our own sexual orientation in a new way.

Do you feel like you could ask your friend to stop sending you sexual texts? If you're not enjoying them, or being made uncomfortable by them, that's a boundary you get to set.

[Miuna]

Thanks for replying so quickly, you really helped me out. Yes, I do see myself as Ace and I've been thinking about this for a long time... I guess it is the correct term for me. I appreciate your help. And I blocked one of my friends who kept sending me that messages, cause he didn't wanted to understand that I didn't liked it.

[Sam W]

I'm so glad we were able to help out! And I'm glad to hear you blocked the person who's been sending you messages; that was a really great step in terms of enforcing your own boundaries.