Scarleteen

I am sorry, the story will jump all over the place, but I will appreciate any opinions right now.

• 1. I: male, suspected aesexual, young adult in male, no experience before, finally got my 1st girlfriend
  2. My partner: female, also young adult, told me that I am her 1st boyfriend and she has no experience before. But she is quite conservative, so she asked me to be patient and to not 'going all the way in our relationship yet'.

So we met and hit off quite fast. She gave me a peck on my cheek the last time we met. And since I had the house whole day for myself, so i thought, well let's invite her over, maybe we can finally have our 1st kiss, and we can cuddle watching youtube or something.

We didn't do anything sexual really. But by the end of the day, not only we have been doing full make out, but I was actively pin her down and kissing and nibbling her ears by her request. And let's me explain the last point. She wanted to try nibbling my ears, and i returned the favour. But she liked her ears being nibbled and kissed so much, that as I do it (with her permission), she constantly kicked and scratched badly on my backs (we were shirtless) and moaned out sweetly and loudly (which i only can describe as straight from pornographic movie). She ended up trying to mute herself and bite/ give hickey all over my chest.

So I have 2 questions:

• A) Is it normal for anyone to be turned on so much just by being kissed and nibbled on the ears? I trusted that she really was inexperienced and didn't fake it for me. But at one point, based on her moaning, I seriously was wondering if she actually can orgasm from it. I never see anything like this in any media (movie or porn) i watched
  B) How do I go from here? I will 100% respect her request, and sex is out of the question for a year or so. But after knowing I raised the bar so high for her today (assume she really felt it), now I afraid anything I do afterwards gonna be a disappointment, and she eventually will get bored with the ears kissing/ nibbling and expecting something more that I can't provide. She hinted that aside from sex, anything else might be possible, include touching her breasts and i don't know if her genital in later days. But now I need to find something else, maybe some other erogenous zone to at least cycle the activities and make it not boring for her.

And yeah she also said she want to do something in return for me. But I am feel pretty aesexual on that offer right now, and just trying to find the best way to serve her for now.

Much thanks. Any opinions/ advice would be welcomed

Hi Essential,

To your first question, while it's pretty unlikely anyone could reach orgasm just from their ears being touched or bitten, ears a common erogenous zone. It doesn't get portrayed in porn or other media as much because it doesn't involve genitals, but people can have spots on their bodies that make them feel really, really, really good when touched.

As far as where to go from here, have the two of you talked at all about what else you'd like to try? Right now it seems like there's some ambiguity in how you two are talking about boundaries; she's fine with things aside from sex, but are you both defining sex the same way? When she says she wants to do "something" in return, has she offered a specific thing? Clarifying those things is important in terms of avoiding misunderstandings.

I think having an explicit conversation or two (if you haven't already) about what you're each comfortable doing is a sound next step. This list can help you with that: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist.

Sam W wrote:Hi Essential,

To your first question, while it's pretty unlikely anyone could reach orgasm just from their ears being touched or bitten, ears a common erogenous zone. It doesn't get portrayed in porn or other media as much because it doesn't involve genitals, but people can have spots on their bodies that make them feel really, really, really good when touched.

As far as where to go from here, have the two of you talked at all about what else you'd like to try? Right now it seems like there's some ambiguity in how you two are talking about boundaries; she's fine with things aside from sex, but are you both defining sex the same way? When she says she wants to do "something" in return, has she offered a specific thing? Clarifying those things is important in terms of avoiding misunderstandings.

I think having an explicit conversation or two (if you haven't already) about what you're each comfortable doing is a sound next step. This list can help you with that: Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist.

Thank a lot Sam

She told me later that she didn't know there would be so many things we could do with lips and tongues. So I assume she means sex as actual penetration. But yes, maybe I would need to clarify with her.

She did ask me again if anything she can do to make me feel good physically too, and i told her that all i know aside from kissing would be related to the male genital and it would be too early for us to get there. Though I psychologically appreciate the compliment she gave me a lot (and the way she lost control and wildly scratched on my back was nice), so I think I am fine with making her feel real good for now. Wanted more of course, but felt like i have showed pretty strong restraint so far

On the ears kissing bit. Just want to know, penetration aside, is there/should i do anything else with my hands to enhance the experiences for her? Like she felt nothing over groping over her bra, and she liked it when i caress her arm and belly, that is as much as i know. I guess one day when she ready, playing with her chest and genitals could be on the card, but as right now, I am blank on how to make things variable for her, except change between left and right ears and her position where we do it

If you're planning to have that conversation, this article can also be a big help if you're both new to talking about sex stuff: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner.

It may also he useful to have a conversation about where your own boundaries are around sex, since you mention you're leaning towards asexual as an identity. Too, if you're not sure what things beside genital contact would feel good for you, you could experiment on your own during masturbation with different kinds of touches to see what else you enjoy.

As far as that last question, that's another to direct to her, since erogenous zones and types of touch that feel good vary from person to person. To, if she's not sure what else she'd like, you two can talk about what types of exploration of her body (or yours) you're each comfortable with.

As an aside, if you're planning on ongoing physical contact, you'll also want to have a conversation about boundaries and risks around Covid-19 if you haven't already talked about them.