Scarleteen

Hey guys, (hey Max, it's Saffy)

So I was just reading https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... ove_letter... and I um, I guess I always thought of love as a strong, hot feeling of attachment in one's heart... and I think that mentality may have really wrecked quite a lot of my life...

Do you think that strong, hot feeling of extreme liking you get in your heart is just... excitement about the potential of love with someone you're already sexually attracted to? Can that cause feelings of attachment to someone how hasn't yet shown you a a lot of respect or a lot of kindness?

Cheers,
Kurtis

I think any time we try to describe what love is or how it feels, it's going to be tricky; as is discussed in that article, people have a lot of different approaches to describing and understanding love.
That sort of strong, hot attachment is often a part of feeling love for someone else, but I think love is about more than that too, so I don't think just that attachment or draw to someone is love. You can feel a strong attachment or attraction for someone you don't know very well, before a very deep love could even be possible. And for sure, someone can have those feelings (whether it's "just" a strong attraction or is a genuine love) for someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings or who is unkind.

Thanks Mo, that helps a lot.

I think I spent so many years desperately wanting people to have that feeling of attachment for me, feeling lost and hopeless without it - when actually, it's not really all that important. To quote 'Love Letter', what's important is the components of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust. If you don't have those things, it's better to be without people who say they 'love' you.

I just felt like I wasn't good enough if nobody had those strong feelings, as if I was being rejected by my own species (not just in terms of sexual partners, but family and friends too). I'm learning now that that's bull, really. The strong feeling in the heart isn't some huge deal. It felt like it, to me, but I think that was more about desire for reciprocation thus helping me build self esteem. But one doesn't need it.

It took me a while, but it's been a revolution. (I actually read 'Love Letter' ten years ago...but my self esteem troubles were deep, and I wanted so badly to be deeply liked and make people happy so they get that feeling).

This doesn't need a reply so don't worry and I'm getting better and fighting. I just needed to say something to people who understand somewhat of what I'm expressing. <3 I adore you all.

Kurtis
(sorry for spellings, I'm dyslexic)