Scarleteen

So my boyfriend and I were kissing/making out earlier today, and he really likes to kiss my neck. I’m completely okay with this, and he’s very gentle and will go at whatever pace I want. We both trust each other, which I think is great, since our relationship is still pretty new.

Tonight, however, my boyfriend suggested giving me a hickey, and I was not sure how to react. I have never had one before. I told him this and said let’s wait until another time, which he easily agreed to. But I am intrigued by the idea of being bitten lightly, and having the mark. I just don’t know if hickeys are bad, or what the side effects are. Are they dangerous in any way?

Secondly, I know there might be some social stigma around them. My parents haven’t met my boyfriend yet (hopefully they will soon, though), and I’m not sure I want them to see the mark. Also, I don’t really want the other kids at school to notice, because they’ll make a big deal out of it. Can someone please advise me on this? Thank you!

Hickeys aren't dangerous, as a general rule; a hickey is a pretty minor bruise that's caused by burst blood vessels right under the skin. You don't even need to bite someone, necessarily; sucking a small area of delicate skin can be enough to cause a mark. If your boyfriend wanted to bite very hard, enough that he might break skin, that could potentially be dangerous, but it doesn't sound like that's what he's interested in; "regular" hickeys from gentle to moderate biting shouldn't be an issue unless you have a blood clotting disorder or anything else that would make a bruise dangerous for you. If it sounds like something you might like, what I'd suggest is having him start very gentle in terms of biting or sucking on your neck so you can let him know how it feels.

If you're worried about hiding a mark, you could direct him more towards the area where your neck meets your shoulder, or a place you know you can cover easily with an article of clothing. If you use concealer or foundation, you can also probably cover a hickey with that, but I know not everyone has those things on hand or is comfortable using them. It sounds like you'd rather not have a hickey in a conspicuous place, which I think makes sense; some people may wind up being nosy about it if they see one, and I can understand not wanting to deal with questions.

Thanks for the reply and the really helpful information. I did have another question: are there a few ways to make the hickey go away fairly quickly?

Hi Hel,

Since a hickey is similar to a bruise, some people find that using arnica or icing it shortly after it happens can help reduce how noticeable it is.

Okay, thank you!