Scarleteen

Hello I’m not sure if this is a good place to post this as I am new to this website, but I really need to get something off my chest. A little while ago I started to watch porn sometimes, and I liked it but I never got super aroused. However, a couple months ago I came across a video that made me feel a way I had never felt before and I had my first orgasm. I really liked the feeling so I started to do it multiple times a day, while watching said videos. This is going to sound gross and I am embarrassed to say it; but the videos were of people going to the bathroom. I felt too guilty afterwards so I recently gave up watching videos. Now I just think about it while I masturbate which does the trick. But the thing is is that I don’t like what I think about it; I’m kind of grossed out by it, and especially grossed out with myself for being turned on by it. I’m not aroused by the thought of sex at all, even though I think I would like to have it one day. I want to be normal and not perverted, I hate it. Sorry if this was long.

Hi spidder,

I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress. If it helps you feel less down on yourself, human sexuality is incredibly varied, and people can get aroused or have fantasies about all sorts of things, including things that are (or feel) very taboo. So, finding a particular thing arousing doesn't make you perverted or bad.

All that being said, since this is causing you so much guilt when you think about it, it may be worth exploring other areas of fantasy that don't trigger that same feeling. This article has a ton of tips for walking yourself through different fantasies: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms. How about taking some time in the next few days to try them?