Scarleteen

Hello everyone!

I've identified as aseuxal for a good chunk of time now, and I'm happy with that. I consider myself to be sex neutral-to-favorable, and I don't feel any tension with that. But now I think I might be aro as well? Is there something similar, like you can be aromantic but still want/enjoy a romantic relationship?

I'm having a really hard time figuring out if the relationship I'd like to have is a qpr or something more like a traditional romantic relationship. I'm not sure I'm clear on the differences? I'd love to love someone on a different level/in a different way that a friendship. It's not that I think friendships are lesser by any means, I think I'd just want a relationship with a different level of commitment and type of love. For example, I wouldn't necessarily want to adopt a child with a friend, but I'd definitely consider starting a family with someone that I love deeply. But is that romantic love?

Additionally, I'd consider (with this hypothetical person in this hypothetical relationship) sex. Even if it were a non-sexual relationship, I'd still want some physical affection like hand holding or cuddling. But does this cross the line into romantic love? Or would it still fall under the qpr label?

This is a terribly rambly post, but I'm really just looking for other points of view. Does anyone know of aro resources that might help me with figuring this out? Also, is anyone in a qpr feel comfortable talking about what it means to them and what makes it different from a romantic relationship?

Hi Raffles,
I don't want to take up too much space in this thread, as someone who isn't aro, but something I've noticed, including when talking to an aromantic friend about their feelings and experiences, is that the way people define a "romantic" relationship or even romantic feelings varies a LOT from person to person; you might talk to someone about their qpr and think it sounds a lot like the romantic relationship of someone you know. It doesn't mean anyone's doing these relationships "wrong," but I've found that there's so much variation in them, and in what people consider "romantic" feelings/relationships, that it can be tough to determine the specific boundaries around a relationship that is or isn't romantic. The friend I mentioned described their feelings about their closest friends in a way that sounded a lot like the way I experience romantic feelings for people, but I don't think that means either of us are necessarily mislabeling the feelings we're having; we're just interpreting them differently.

The upside to this is that you're free to craft whatever kind of relationship feels good to you; if you aren't comfortable in a situation that you and the other person classify as romantic, but you'd like to cuddle with them sometimes, you can mutually decide to do that in a non-romantic way, if that's how it feels to you.