Scarleteen

I just read the Scarleteen guides to COVID dating & sex, and they are brilliant. I also read the ones on how to take seriously dating yourself, & being empowered after a breakup during social isolation. I came here because I'd like to get advice on my particular situation.

Context: 3 months ago my 2-year long distance relationship ended and it broke my heart, and I've been pulling myself back together for weeks now while also in college and in a politically turbulent time, it's been hell. I have taken solo time for myself, and have also had casual sex with a person in my pod which helped me connect to my body again and feel desire. I have tried to balance starting to be OK being alone, but also getting on tinder to see that life goes on and there are other fish in the sea.

I matched with a guy in my home town awhile back and we have been consistently messaging since we had a really fun, socially-distanced date with great chemistry before I headed back up to my school. We're both interested in each other, and often talk about hanging out again once I go home for the holidays in 10 days, where I'll be living with my parents for at least 2 months. I've talked to my mom about me potentially dating, as long as its not a lot and not with many people, and we haven't talked about physical stuff. I haven't yet brought up this particular guy, who I am very interested in being physically intimate with.

How do I protect my parents and also potentially kiss and sleep with this guy? Is it really selfish to ask them for us to open up our pod to him? Is there validity to my wanting this, in light of this time in my life, or are my wants so strong they are blinding me to what is right? Would me getting tested weekly be any compromise that protects them more? I know that I can also take this time to just be solo, I am a really independent person, but I am really excited about being able to connect with him especially as my relationship for the last years was all over distance so I've done that shit for years already. Is this just wrong? I welcome anything--brutal honesty, concrete suggestions, or half-baked thoughts.

Hi badassbabe,

I'm glad you liked those pieces!

As far as your specific situation, it seems like you already know there are a lot of pieces to consider and a lot of potential ways this could go. I do want to start by saying it's not selfish to want physical or sexual intimacy with a new partner right now; we're creeping towards a year of this pandemic, and that kind of intimacy is something a lot of us want and need in order to thrive. That being said, we know that physical intimacy, especially things like sex and kissing, are high-risk activities, hence it being something we suggest people avoid as much as possible. So while it's not wrong to want it, it may not be the safest choice.

In those talks with your mom about you potentially dating while home, what's been her general perspective? Is she open to it as long as everyone, including the new person in the pod, is being diligent about risk management? Is she nervous? Something else?

I will say that if everyone in your pod gives the greenlight and everyone in his does the same, the least risky option would be to limit your dating to him for the time being. The fewer people brought into the pod, the lower the risks.