Scarleteen

A whole year of my school has just went off, and I'm scared I'm going to have to go off too. I'm not sure what grade I'm in, in American terms, but over here, I'm a Year 13. I'm in my first year of A-levels.
I'm scared I'm going to go off and miss so much work, that I'm going to fail.
Can someone help?

Hi Crowley-Phoenix,

We can certainly help you out with this, even if that's just giving you a space to process those fears, and hopefully some other users will chime in as well. Can you go into a little more detail about what you're afraid will happen? Is your main concern that if your year in school has to stop or switch to remote learning, it will mess up your trajectory with your exams?

Hey Sam,
Basically, yeah. I'm scared that my school work won't be as good, and if exams are canceled, that I will fail. I can't concentrate at home, I'm special needs, you see, and I'm scared that, like last time, I'm going to get so depressed that I'm going to stop and procrastinate on everything

I can see how all those worries are building up to so much stress. I don't know about you, but it's those "what ifs" that are often the hardest to deal with. What if school switches back to at home? What if this throws all these plans off?

Something that can help is to figure out plans for some of the more likely what ifs so that, if they do happen, you're not caught completely off-guard. For instance, does your school have any resources for students with special needs who need to adapt to working at home? Do you feel like their are accommodations you could ask others at home to make to help it be a more workable place to learn in?

Since you mention depression was a concern in the past, is that something you're getting support around, like from a therapist?

I don't think so, my parents don't like having to change the house around just for us to be comfortable. They think it's just us being lazy.

Also, no, I'm not diagnosed with depression, but it's something I've been suspecting for a long time, and lockdown made the feelings I was connecting to depression alot worse, if that makes sense? I'm too scared to tell my parents what I think.

Ooof, I'm sorry your parents think of your need for accommodations in that way, and I could see why that would make you scared to tell them about your depression concerns. Since it sounds like you got diagnoses with special needs at some point (please correct me if I'm wrong there), do you have a healthcare provider or someone at school who's been helping you manage the diagnosis? For instance, if you have accommodations at school, is there someone who helped you get them? I'm wondering if there is someone who can advocate on your behalf who your parents might listen to.

I was diagnosed when I was 4, yes. I've always had accomodations and so I'm not 100% what to do on that.

Is there a teacher or other administrator at your school you feel comfortable enough with that you could ask them about this? I think anyone who is aware of the accommodations you have in place at school and who's willing to talk to your parents and advocate for accommodations at home could be a helpful ally here.

My parents probably won't take too kindly to it. I've already been yelled at for 'telling the school counselor too much' (when I vented to her about how I felt at home surrounding LGBTq issues, another story for another day) they hate the idea of them looking like they're not as good as other people.

I'm sorry that your parents have been too worried about looking good in front of other people to actually do the right thing.

It sounds like there are two main options here:
1. Get another person (like the school counsellor) to help you talk to your parents about what you need
2. Try to get support without involving your parents

In an ideal world, you would have the support that you need from your parents, option 1. If they will be upset but then help you, it might be worth upsetting them. If they would be upset and then make your life harder (or you might not be safe) it might not be the right option.

For option 2, the first thing to do is to talk to the people at school who support you - teachers, counsellors, anyone else you have to help you - ask them if they can talk to you confidentially about your concerns. Then start working with them to think through what might help, what you can do for yourself, and what they can help you with.

What do you think of those options?

Edited to add: Separately, you can also speak to your doctor about you mental health. They should be able to speak to you confidentially and you should be able to get treatment for free through the health service. In your case, it's worth checking with your doctor that they will speak to you confidentially and not automatically share with your parents.