Discussing HRT with parents

[confusedhuman]

I'm pretty nervous about talking to my parents about starting HRT. For one, if they ask me why I want to, I don't think answering with the whole truth will go too well. The main reason I want to start HRT is that I have pretty bad chest dysphoria, but I worry that my parents (who I think still see me as a teenage boy) will think it's a sexual thing, and that would have some bad consequences (my parents are actually pretty cool with sex being a thing, except when in regards to me). I also worry that they'll bring up "what if you want to have kids" and while I'm like 99% sure I don't (and I could always adopt if it turned out I (or a partner) wanted to, there's always that 1% (and also I might have to explain being aro if i said i probably don't want kids, which I don't want to do because that would involve explaining being aroallo). Luckily, sperm banks are a thing. Just one problem though, the whole "parents not being cool with sex in relation to me" thing definitely is a barrier. I am way too scared to basically say "hey how about we talk about me jerking off, and not only that, but also my semen." These are the same people who yelled at me for walking into the dining room when I'd first woken up because I had a bulge and my sister had one of our neighbors over (who has known me her entire life and also will not be staring at my crotch). So yeah, you can probably see why I'm not too keen on that. Any advice on working up the courage to talk to them or ways to avoid explicitly talking about jerking off?

[Sam W]

Hi confusedhuman,

It might be best to steer clear of the saving sperm conversation, especially since you know it's likely to set off their discomfort around you and sex. If they bring up the kids question, for now you could say, "there are ways of managing that if I want." With explaining the chest dysphoria, do you think they'd flat out not believe you? Or do you think they'd assume even the dysphoria is secretly a sex thing?

In terms of the more general conversation, how are they in terms of accepting your gender identity? Are they pretty chill about it, or are you going to have to navigate their being weird about it as well?

[confusedhuman]

That's probably a good idea about avoiding that particular subject for now. Unfortunately I'll probably need to discuss that at some point because that's expensive, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. As for the chest dysphoria, I think they just will straight up not believe me and think that actually it's just some sort of sexual fantasy. I think they could be convinced though, especially if I provided some sources or mentioned that it often happens in the opposite direction. In general, they are fairly accepting, but they also were born in the early 60s so these concepts are new to them and it took them four months before they used my pronouns for the first time. They will probably be weird about it but I think they'll also try to understand.

[Sofi]

Hi confusedhuman,

I definitely agree that's a bridge to cross when you get there. To be honest, they will probably be more open and comfortable to the conversation by then, especially since you'll be older. And I think that's a great idea to provide sources, sometimes that is what it takes to get our parents to understand and "believe" us, since it shows them other people out there go through the same thing and it's completely normal and entirely gender-related (rather than sexual). So if that's what you think it'll take here, you do what you gotta do! Best of luck and let us know if you need any more advice or need to vent.<3