Scarleteen

Hello, so I'm 16 and fairly comfortable in my sexuality but there's this 18 year old guy who I've known for 2 1/2 years and he's very flirty and claims to never have had sex before. I'm not sure how to show my interest in him without outright saying it (I'm scared he'll just laugh it off). I've tried flirting back but I can never tell if he's being himself or flirting, any ideas on how I should approach this?

I'm not so much looking for a relationship but I'm ready to have sex and Id like to have sex with him, if he wanted a relationship after Id be open to it but I'm ready to have sex and he makes me comfortable.

Welcome to the boards, Hobbiecat! It's great that you are feeling comfortable in your sexuality. Honestly, in relationships, especially ones that have a physical aspect to them, clarity and honesty are super important. Having a conversation about sex, even while your relationship is fairly platonic, is good because it details your potential partner's sexual preferences and ideals. Getting to know someone like that is not only useful for if you ever happen to "get it on" in the future, but also just for building intimacy and mutual trust which is essential in any kind of relationship, even platonic. Basically what I'm saying is having a conversation about sex/sexuality would probably be a good way to gauge his interest, test the waters, learn about him as a person, and strengthen your relationship (even if it ends up staying platonic). You could always share an article from Scarleteen with him and let the conversation roll from there! (P.S. I read up on the age of consent laws in Canada and they're different than some of the states' laws in America, so if an American/person of a different nationality is reading this, please be mindful that sex between a 16 and 18 year old may be illegal where you live, though it isn't in this case).

Once you're 16 where I live you can have sex with anyone who consents from 14- how ever old you want as long as they aren't in a place of power. I tried to breach the topic of sex with him a bit and he flat out said he'd never been kissed let along anything else. He's really self conscious about it as well.

Hi Hobbiecat,

So, it sounds like you might be trying the direct approach, at least a little bit, already. I would give it one more very explicit try. Something like "X, I think you are a cool and sexy person and I would be interested in exploring some sexy stuff with you. Is this something you would be down with? If not, that's cool too." Be clear, but don't pressure, and listen to an respect his answer. I know you say you're worried about being brushed off, and that's a totally normal fear. But the only way to get your answer is to ask. So if he brushes you off, he's not into you as a partner, but at least you know that now.

Complete turn around for his answers, he was under the impression I wouldn't want to hangout with him if I knew he wasn't a virgin so he lied about i (my family is less supportive of my sexual confidence or sometimes others who are too). We talked about sex and being safe then decided we both want to have it with each other. Thank you for your reply and helpful advice it really helped me

Hi Hobbiecat,

Glad to hear things turned out how you hoped they would! If you need any info on contraception or sexual communication, you know where to find us