Not ready to have sex

[Lampshade19]

So I’ve never really been in a relationship before and haven’t done much dating. But then I recently dated this one guy for a month and he was really sweet. Things ended though because I told him I wasn’t ready for sex (for a variety of reasons) and I’m not sure when I’ll be ready. Things ended on a good note between us and I was honestly feeling really good about the whole thing because I didn’t sacrifice my own comfortability for another person. More recently though I keep second guessing my decision and I’m hesitant to date other people because I don’t want to go through the whole ordeal of dating and catching feelings only to still not be ready and the person needing that in a relationship. I know for sex can be an important part of a relationship for a lot of people but for me it’s really scary. I don’t want to feel bad for making the decision to not have sex right now but I do sometimes cause it really sucks that I had to stop seeing someone over it.

[Sam W]

Hi Lampshade19,

While it's definitely a bummer to end a relationship you were enjoying, I'm glad you were able to voice your boundary around sex!

It's true that sex is an important part of of relationships for some people, but that doesn't mean everyone you date will decide to end the relationship because you're not ready to be sexual (heck, they might not be ready either, or you might feel ready before they do). Too, depending on your comfort level and theirs there are lots of sexual activities besides intercourse that you both could be interested and comfortable trying. So, while your boundary around sex may eliminate some potential partners, there will still be plenty out there who are happy waiting until you're both comfortable. Does that help?

(Too, right now you'll have even more time before reaching those conversations, as the pandemic means it'll take longer for sex with a new person to even be a safe thing to pursue.)