dulled sensation?

[alriune]

i've mentioned before that i don't get any pleasure from orgasm and that it's an issue i don't know what to do about. i also suspect that in comparison to other people, it seems like sensation for sexual pleasure is dulled for me? i can feel a little bit and sometimes enough to orgasm but it's not very intense or sensitive and it's easy for me to be taken out of it and lose all steam. my orgasms are always very weak too. i don't really understand why my body can't just be normal

[Heather]

Hey there.

You know, it's never going to be accurate with things as diverse as human sexuality or the experience of pleasure to do a thing where you figure something is a given way for almost everyone, then radically different for you. I don't think it's helpful, either, because having an unrealistic idea of the spectrum of something like this can make it real easy to give yourself wrong ideas about everyone else AND only add uneccessary hopelessness to already feeling frustrated. There's also no "normal" with this: there is only a LOT of diversity.

Let's just focus on you, and not the billions of people that aren't you and also are nowhere near all the same, okay?

From what you're describing here, it sounds like this probably has more to do with what's going on with physical sensation of your body -- the idea it is "dulled" -- and more to do with what's going on in your head. You say it's easy for you to be taken out of the space of experiencing pleasure, and for you to lose motivation to continue exploring it. Those are headspace things. Too, if we can't keep our head in the game, as it were, and aren't pretty excited in our heads throughout physical sexual activity, then that will almost always play a part in the intensity of our orgasm and whole pleasure experiences. (It may help to know that this is an issue for many people, too, not just you.) You've made some other posts in your time here that align with this, too.

Orgasm only lasts a few seconds. While for most people it feels good, because it's so brief, it's not usually where people find the most pleasure and satisfaction from masturbation or partnered sex: that's usually about the much longer time leading to orgasm and the whole experience. Same goes for feeling pleasure from sensation: orgasm is kind of the exclamation point on that sentence, not the sentence, if you get me. And even with orgasm, orgasm that tends to feel bigger or more impactful usually has more to do with what has happened leading up to it than in that short moment.

So, it's probably most useful to look more at how you are feeling BEFORE orgasm. Are you enjoying what you're doing up until then a lot, including in your head/mind? Are you taking your time to really lead up to orgasm and build how you're feeling ahead of it? What's going on in your head throughout? Are you really in the experience, or is your mind still busy, or focused on things like thinking about orgasm or worrying you won't be satisfied?