Unable to orgasm

[HopefulK]

Hello,
so, I can't orgasm and I'm out of ideas. When I masturbated in the past, I couldn't even come close to it (no boyfriend either). Now that I've bought a toy I learned what I really like and I feel like I'm 99,9% there whenerver I masturbate. My core tightens, my muscles start to clench and then .. nothing. My muscles just continue clenching until my clit is too sensitive for me to continue masturbating and the tension wears off. I've read that the activation of the pelvic muscles is what's happining just before your orgasm, but it just continues for me until all I feel is pain. I honestly have no idea what I could do. I'm relaxed and most of the time don't expect to even reach an orgasm and just enjoy the pleasure. But once my muscles clench and I try to just breathe, let go or whatever else all these articles on the internet tell you to do, nothing happens. If you have some advice, I'll gladly take it!

Thank you in advance!

[Heather]

Hey there, sorry this is so frustrating for you!

Hope you don't mind if I ask a few extra questions.

When you're doing this, are you also feeling very sexually aroused emotionally and intellectually, both before you get started and then throughout, the whole time?

Are you come to this expecting there to be problems?

When you feel that clenching happen and then you say you feel "nothing" can you explain that a little bit more? Do you mean that you don't feel any release of built up tension then either?

Can you think of any other details you might add that you didn't here?

[HopefulK]

Hey, thanks for the answer!

I am usually aroused the whole time. I try not to think about my problem, but of course I'm expecting the problem a tiny bit after I've experienced it every time before, but I'm not really dreading it, my mindset is more like 'wait and see what will happen this time'.
My muscles clench and they continue clenching. My clit's getting so sensitive that I have to stop because it hurts. Once that happens, my arousal is completely gone because of the pain. The tension does go away once I stop masturbating.

[Mo]

Thanks for those answers! It sounds like you're coming at masturbation with pleasure, more than orgasm, as your main goal, and that's certainly what I'd recommend. It's good also that you're usually aroused; if you ever find yourself not feeling arousal already when you start to masturbate, or if you wind up losing that feeling partway through, it's probably a good idea to step back from masturbating. Not feeling arousal or otherwise not being fully engaged can make orgasm a lot harder to achieve. Worrying about not reaching orgasm can make the process more difficult as well; it can be easy to get caught in a loop of stressing about it not happening, which makes it harder to happen, which causes more stress.

One thing you might try is changing the type or intensity of clitoral stimulation you're using, to see if you're able to extend the amount of time before you're feeling over-sensitive. Especially with some kinds of toys like vibrators, the line between "this is intense and great" and "oh no, this is way too much" can be pretty narrow at times. You could try more indirect contact, or seeing if using more lube (or any, if you aren't using it at all) helps by cutting down on friction.

[HopefulK]

Okay, I'll definitely try that [and may write again, depending on how it goes ]! Thank you!

[Mo]

You're more than welcome to check back in and talk about how it goes. Best of luck!