Scarleteen

I’m dating someone in California and she gives me so much love and affection. However, I realize that love and affection cannot sustain a relationship alone. We don’t have much in common and a bunch of thoughts made me realize we are better off as friends. Also, I realize that I have to mainly be the guide and have to set the boundaries, which is iffy.

I want to do this slowly and at the right time. Not break her heart so much. I want to videocall her when I do this and still be her friend. I don’t want to do this over the holidays, not to ruin her days as well. I hope that she deals with this well.

How do I do this in the best way possible? How do I wish her the best as well. Like me, we did not have gfs for no longer than weeks and we finally did, she for more so. So how can I remind her that I still care for and keep my boundaries.

Ps. I feel guilty about wanting to move onto someone else. I have affections for someone else in mind (I’m poly, but I’m still planning to break it off with her), but I want to lower my expectations it WILL BE HER. I’m not breaking it off with my GF because of her.

Also, it’s hard for me to find a therapist, even after the holidays. I talked about it with Mom. I came up with this revelation on my own and this relationship is not want it use to be, I want to make it more like a friend thing before it gets uncomfortable and dull.

Hi Sabine,

Generally speaking, being gentle and direct is a sound way to approach breaking up with someone. Too, if you two decide you want to remain friends, it still may be a good idea to take a little time away from each other, since trying to shift straight from dating into friendship can make the sting of the break-up last longer.

How did that talk with your mom go? Did the two of you come up with some plans on how to move forward in your search?

Sam W wrote:Hi Sabine,

Generally speaking, being gentle and direct is a sound way to approach breaking up with someone. Too, if you two decide you want to remain friends, it still may be a good idea to take a little time away from each other, since trying to shift straight from dating into friendship can make the sting of the break-up last longer.

How did that talk with your mom go? Did the two of you come up with some plans on how to move forward in your search?

Then how do I explain the concept to her? Like perhaps a week or half a week.

I’m afraid of being alone for a while, while at the same time not. I’m afraid she is going to be the only one who loves me, accepts me AND doesn’t ghost me. But at the same time, I have to be the one who does right by me.

Okay. She didn’t lay out research. We still have to decide which therapists can treat which patients and which are right for me. Also I’m in a different country which can make the process harder.