Should I be worried?

[Digdawg]

Hi Scarleteen. I saw my boyfriend after a couple weeks and we ended up having sexual contact. Not vaginal sex but touching each other and whatnot.

I forgot to take my birth control pill this morning. No biggie, it’s a combination pill and I take them like clockwork every day, I just happened to be in a rush that morning and it slipped my mind. So I took it this afternoon.

Thing is, he was fingering me and I was rubbing his penis head, without a condom on. He grabs my hand to help me out before he puts a condom on and masturbates while fingering me. He did use the hand he held my hand with while I was rubbing him for a few seconds before he started masturbating. With the combination of having taken my pill late and him using a hand that MAY have had precum on it to finger me, should I be worried about pregnancy? Should I take my emergency contraceptive? Or should I be fine without it?

[Mo]

Hi there Digdawg,

As long as you're still on a combination pill like you were when asking about late pills before, it is still the case that you have twelve hours until a pill can be considered late. It doesn't sound like you took your pill more than twelve hours late though, so you're all good on that front.
It does sound like you're having a good bit of anxiety about pregnancy even in cases where there's no actual pregnancy risk involved (if you want a quick refresher you can check the info here: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?; what you describe would fall under manual sex in terms of risk levels), so it might be helpful to reassess the situation to see if there's a way you can move forward without so much worry. Do you have a sense of what's causing so much worry about pregnancy in these situations? Would it be helpful to discuss other birth control options, or to take a break from any kind of sexual activity that's making you worry for a little bit?

[Digdawg]

Hi Mo.

I have low pain tolerance and huge anxiety. I think my anxiety surrounding pregnancy may stem from when my sister was first pregnant with my niece when I was 10 (my sister is ten years older than me). I remember her talking about having to have blood tests and regular vaccinations, and kid me just noped out of the idea of pregnancy. This was well before I started therapy for doctor related anxieties as a preteen, and I suppose the anxiety just stuck.

I can’t get an abortion if I were to get pregnant. While I am prochoice, I live in a state that requires minors to have parental consent for an abortion (and three days worth of therapy trying to talk you out of it). My family would never allow it, they are of the opinion that abortion is in every case the murder of a child. If I were to get one, it would have to be through my sister as she is prochoice, and in secret. I’m going to college now, I wouldn’t have the funds nor the emotional energy to be pregnant, give birth, and as I wouldn’t be able to keep it, give a baby up for the absolute nightmare I have heard the foster system to be.

I’ve been considering switching to an IUD for a while now. I’ve been hesitant as I’ve heard it’s very uncomfortable, and to be frank, I’m a huge baby. But it’s an option for me, my family doesn’t have a problem with me being on birth control.

I have a tendency to hyper fixate on small details, even things that would make me anxious. I feel like I just made a huge mistake here, and am still thinking about taking my emergency pill, just in case. I can always get more.

[Digdawg]

I just spoke with a my boyfriend about this.

Apparently he uses different hands for different acts, he uses the hand he held mine with only for himself, the other for me. I don’t know how I didn’t notice this before, but I suppose I hyper fixate on some things so much I don’t notice others. He explicitly told me that he didn’t you the hand he held mine with on me at all. I trust his judgement, he knows my anxiety surrounding pregnancy and seems to take note of things in case I need it. He also told me that even if he did use the hand designated for him, any precum would have dried or been wiped off.

He doesn’t think I should take our emergency pill, because it does get expensive and he would rather save it for an occasion we really need it, such as if a condom broke. He said he’d be okay if I took it though, that we can get more, just that we would have to split the cost. So now I’m not sure where I should go with this. Do I go ahead and take my pill anyways, just to be sure, or save it?

[Sam W]

Hi Digdawg,

Given that what you're describing doesn't pose a risk of pregnancy, emergency contraception isn't really necessary. And I can certainly see how that early experience learning about your sister's pregnancy and the difficulties in accessing abortion if you needed to could add to your pre-existing anxiety.

Mo hinted at this above, but what if you took a break from ANY sexual activity that set off your anxiety, at least for a little while?

[Digdawg]

Hi Sam,

We’ll take a break at least from doing things to each other at the same time, that’ll probably reduce my anxiety. We haven’t been sexually active for a while because he works, I had my wisdom teeth taken out two weeks ago and have been recovering, and we spent Christmas with our own families, so we’d like to pick it back up. We will just take it slow, he’s very understanding. Thank you

[Alexa]

Hey Digdawg,

I think taking it slow is a great idea. Assessing how you feel along the way could help you to find ways to cope with any pregnancy-related anxiety. We're always here if you want to talk through it further.