Privacy with family

[Quinn]

Hello!
I am 14 years old and my family makes me really uncomfortable sometimes. My older brother who is 18 went through my phone and found stuff I did not want him to see. He did this by taking advantage of me leaving my phone unlocked and put his thumb print in my phone without my consent. He then told my friends about it the next time they came over when I was not in the room. My friends then told me about what he said and when I confronted him about it he told me it was my fault and I don’t know if it is or not. Also whilst I was in the shower the other day I had put a rubber band on the door to stop my mom from coming in (because it’s the master bathroom so it’s two doors that do not lock) but instead of respecting my privacy after she realized I had the rubber band on the door she cut it off with scissors and came in anyways to wash her face. What’s worse is after I explained I was not comfortable with her being in there she just said “I’ve seen it before it’s fine.” Completely ignoring my feelings. After that I didn’t say anything until I got out of the shower because it was an awkward situation. Once I was done showering I went to talk to her and told her that we have two other bathrooms that she could’ve used and that it made me completely uncomfortable because I am not comfortable in my own body yet so why would I be comfortable with somebody else seeing it. She then told me that I was being overdramatic and that it wasn’t that big of a deal and actually started laughing. I really don’t know what to do to explain to my family why what they did was not okay

[Sam W]

Hi Quinn,

Those sound like really frustrating situations! It sucks when your family members decide that what you need in terms of privacy is up for debate (or something to laugh at).

In terms of your brother going through your phone, that is not your fault. He made the choice, not only to pick up your phone when it was unlocked, but to go through the trouble of setting his fingerprint in it so he could do it again and telling your friends what he saw. That's on him, not on you. Have you been able to remove his fingerprint so he can't do it again?

With your mom, is this part of a general pattern with her of either ignoring boundaries or telling you they're silly? And does it feel worth it to you to bring up the bathroom issue again with her?