BDSM

[Phoenix_Bird]

So here the thing, I discovered BDSM about two years ago. I had always had thoughts about BDSM when I was younger but didn't know what it was. This year I will be 16 which is the age of consent where I live. I want to connect with other people involved in BDSM but all websites involving conversations with people in the scene is for people 18 and older. I would love to date some one who is into BDSM, but it is awkward to ask the person you like if they are into it. What should I do, is there any websites where you can communicate with people in the scene as a minor.

[Sam W]

Hi Phoenix_Bird,

To answer your last question first, no, there are no BDSM sites where minors are allowed. This can be annoying if you're looking to learn more about the scene or look for partners, but it's ultimately about safety. There are lots of rules/laws around sexually explicit sites allowing minors to access them, but more than that it keeps you safe, because it's not putting you in a situation where you could be groomed or solicited by an adult (even if a site allowing minors did exist, I'd be very wary of it, because that kind of space can attract adults looking for younger, inexperienced, vulnerable partners).

All that being said, you can still explore your interest in BDSM with partners your own age. There are a few things that can help you do that. One is to be specific about what elements of BDSM interest you. Honestly, it's a broad enough term that what you're interested in may be a pretty popular sexual thing, even for people who wouldn't say they were into BDSM. Too, the more specific you can be, the easier it's going to be to talk about this with a potential partner. Does all that make sense?

It can also help to think about how much of a "dealbreaker" a lack of willingness to explore or interest in BDSM is for you, and at what point you'd want to bring it up with a partner (those are both things we're happy to help you with).