Scarleteen

Okay so I’m 22 and I’ve been sexually active for about 6 years and have masturbated since like 7 or something idk. In all this time I can ONLY achieve orgasm without peeing if I’m grinding on a pillow or riding my boyfriend. If we’re having sex and we’re doing missionary or doggy he will eventually hit the spot that makes me pee and it feels great but I KNOW it’s pee and NOT *female ejaculate*. We’ve had conversations about this and he’s perfectly fine with it but it still makes me so insecure. The same goes for masturbating. If I’m laying on my back with my vibrator I will pee or if I use the shower head I will pee! It’s light yellow or yellow and smells like pee! I try to empty my bladder before but it still happens! Any advice??

Hi Bubbles,

I do want to check; is this something that only happens during sex and masturbation? Or do you find you have trouble controlling your bladder at other times to?

You're already doing one of the major pieces of advice, which is urinating before you have sex. I do want to mention that because "female" ejaculation (AKA squirting) happens via the urethra, which sometimes means that there are elements of urine in the mix. But if you're pretty sure this is just urine, there are a few things you can do. One, if you're not already doing so, is to put down a spare blanket or towels during sex or when you masturbate. That way you're not stressing out about clean-up.

Since it sounds like your boyfriend has been chill and accepting around this, can you sat a little more about where those feelings of insecurity are coming from?

Sam W wrote:Hi Bubbles,

I do want to check; is this something that only happens during sex and masturbation? Or do you find you have trouble controlling your bladder at other times to?

You're already doing one of the major pieces of advice, which is urinating before you have sex. I do want to mention that because "female" ejaculation (AKA squirting) happens via the urethra, which sometimes means that there are elements of urine in the mix. But if you're pretty sure this is just urine, there are a few things you can do. One, if you're not already doing so, is to put down a spare blanket or towels during sex or when you masturbate. That way you're not stressing out about clean-up.

Since it sounds like your boyfriend has been chill and accepting around this, can you sat a little more about where those feelings of insecurity are coming from?

I don’t suffer from incontinence on a regular basis. It is just when my clitoris is stimulated or I’m penetrated in a certain angle that causes the sensation and then the fluid comes out. But like I mentioned, it only happens when I’m on my back masturbating or in missionary or doggy but not when I’m masturbating by grinding on a pillow or riding my boyfriend. I am able to experience orgasm when riding or grinding without the fluid release. In regards to your question on insecurity, idk it just feels messy and I am secretly thinking that my boyfriend wouldn’t like to get “peed” on. My insecurity has limited us to only 2 sex positions (cowgirl, sideways) to where I can experience orgasm but not release fluid. I feel like it’s hindered us from further sexual exploration and idk I just can’t get over the possibility that there might be something wrong with me if I really do pee during sex.

Hey bubbles,

I think there is so much internalized shame & stigma around peeing and/or ejaculation during sex if you have a vagina. In my own experience, I sometimes (but not always) ejaculate during orgasm -- and when I do, it is also yellow and usually seems similar to or contains some urine.

Honestly, there are ways I've learned to notice when I am about to ejaculate/urinate and stop myself/stop the sex act in the moment -- BUT, the better thing that I've learned is to let go of caring so much! When I interrupt or avoid ejaculating during sex, I just end up robbing myself of pleasure. In fact, I often rob my partners of pleasure, too, because despite my insecurities, they enjoy knowing that they've made me orgasm.

So I'd second and further Sam's point -- maybe what we should look at is the shame around urinating and/or ejaculating, rather than how to stop you from doing it. Taking the pressure off may even inadvertently help you to be more in touch with your body long-term. Also, FWIW, even people who *don't* ejaculate are often insecure about people seeing them orgasm (because of noises/faces they make, loss of bodily control, etc.). But if we don't let ourselves cum because we feel embarrassed, we leave SO MUCH of the world of sex unexplored & unenjoyed!

I also wonder if you'd like this article or find it useful: The Sex Goddess Blues: Building Confidence, Busting Perfectionism

Thank you guys! Its been a year after posting but we’ve made progress! After more conversations with my boyfriend I have gotten more comfortable and been able to let myself enjoy the sex and the orgasms. I was just way too in my head and really wanted to be *perfect* for him.

Hi Bubbles,

Thank you for the update, and hooray! I'm so glad things are going in a positive direction!