Scarleteen

hi!
i’ve read some of the posts about similar topics but i thought i would ask directly anyway. recently i started to masturbate. it’s only been about 6 months but this month i started vaginally masturbating. at first i thought it was normal to feel some pain but i still feel pain and it has put me off. i can fit one finger in and not feel too much pain and i feel as if there is “enough room” inside to fit another finger in but when i try, the entrance gets tighter and causes a lot of pain. i am scared that if i try to have sex a similar thing will happen and that i won’t be able to enjoy myself. i’m also slightly scared that it could maybe be vaginismus but i don’t want to speak to my parents about this so i won’t be able to see anyone about it. do you have any advice for things i should try or just general advice?
thanks

Hi msgurl,

When you're trying to masturbate, are you using lube? And, in general, are you pretty aroused when you try it?

Too, if you're noticing that inserting your fingers is uncomfortable, have you tried just focusing on stimulating the external parts of your genitals?

At the moment i don’t have access to lube and mostly when i try i am. I have tried just the external parts but i don’t really feel anything

Got it. Are there ways of masturbating that you've found pleasurable, or has it all felt pretty underwhelming or painful?

Would you be able to get some lube from a drugstore or grocery story? Or is it more that once you have it, you're worried someone else might find it?

so far i haven’t found anything pleasurable. at the moment i am in a national lockdown and i can’t leave the house without my parents noticing and it’s decently far from big stores that would sell it and i cannot drive. i would also be scared that someone could potentially find it.

Okay, let's focus on options that don't require you to go out, since it's safer for you and others to stay in if you can. Some people use massage oil, baby oil, olive oil, coconut oil, or Vaseline as lube, so if you have any of those things in the house, you may be able to use them as lube. However, be aware that natural oils, like coconut oil or olive oil, may cause irritation to the vagina or trap bacteria there, which can lead to infection.

As far as masturbation goes, it may be that you just haven't found the way(s) of masturbating that work best for you yet. There's no specific way of masturbating that feels good to everybody, and sometimes it takes experimentation to find the ways of masturbating, and the fantasies that help you while you do it, that feel good. This article covers some ideas for what to try: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation. When you're masturbating, do you feel like your brain is really engaged in what's going on?

i haven’t really thought about whether i know exactly what’s going on if you know what i mean. after reading the article i’ve got some new things to try but also understand that it’s completely normal to not find some things pleasurable.

i think that i’ve just been overthinking the whole situation and i feel pressure to know what i like as lots of people i know have had sex and knew exactly what they wanted. it’s almost lucky that i am currently in a lockdown because it gives me time to experiment and hopefully find something i like. thank you so much for the help, it means a lot to me. hope you’re staying safe! <3

I do hope this time for experimentation will be helpful for you! One thing that's tricky about the figuring-things-out process of sex, whether that's sex with a partner or just with yourself, is that feelings of pressure, anxiety, or frustration are huge arousal killers, so if you find yourself feeling frustrated or anxious at any point when you're masturbating, it may be more helpful to take a little break or try something new instead of trying to push yourself past that feeling.