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Unsure of coming out

When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
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We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.

Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.

Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
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Melamyl
not a newbie
Posts: 41
Joined: Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:13 am
Age: 58
Awesomeness Quotient: My face
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She
Location: US

Unsure of coming out

Unread post by Melamyl »

I have always known that I was lesbian, especially from a very young age. When I was growing up in the very late '90s and early 2000's I often heard people say derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people, however, for the last 15 years I have pretty much been housebound due to my autism and anxiety disorders so I haven't had much interaction with other people. I'm now in my twenties but I'm too embarrassed to come out to people. I fear that if I do people are going to judge me or think that there is something seriously wrong with me (I won't go into detail about what I think people would say about me). I have been told by some of my relatives that people's views have changed a lot compared to 15 years ago, but I don't believe it. I still think that I should be keeping my head down and saying nothing or trying to 'hide' my sexuality. I feel like I will never be accepted and will always be a judged outcast. I know that this is a common issue for a lot of people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, which in turn feeds into my fears even more. Anyway, I just felt like letting this off my chest, thank you for taking the time to read this :)
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Unsure of coming out

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Melamyl,

Whether to come out, and to who, is a really personal decision. So if ever feel like coming out wouldn't be safe for you, emotionally or physically, then you get to keep your sexual orientation to yourself. Your relatives are right in that the culture in the U.S is shifting towards greater acceptance of LGBT folks. But, that doesn't mean every LGBT person is in a home or community where it's safe for them to be out, or that folks who ARE out won't face discrimination or hate from some people. That's part of why we treat each individual person as the expert on whether or not it's safe for them to come out. Does that all make sense?

In terms of coming out to people outside of your family (it sounds like you're out to them, but if that's wrong please let me know), are there people you want to be out to? If you could find more LGBT or LGBT-friendly spaces like Scarleteen, would you want to participate in them?

I do need to check: your user profile lists your age as 54. If that's not accurate, can you change it to reflect your actual age?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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