How to stop having so many thoughts about sex?

[Skylar7593]

So I think about sex, a lot. I don't think that there is anything wrong with that, but sometimes they are distracting, and also I simply don't like thinking them. It's probably because of my religious upbringing, but it's also possible that I may be asexual or something, I don't know and it doesn't really matter to me.

It's sometimes annoying thinking about something or doing something completely non-sexual and all of a sudden getting them and completely ruining the mood.

So yeah, how do I stop having so many thoughts about sex?

[Marisha]

Hi Skylar,

Would you say these thoughts are intrusive - totally involuntary - or is there something in your life/surroundings that brings them on?

There are definitely ways to put a damper on these types of unwanted thoughts either way, but it's hard to put a stop to them completely, especially if they're being brought on randomly. When it comes to unwanted thoughts, pushing them away tends to do more harm than help, because the upsetting thought needs to be dealt with in a healthy way. This article from Medical News Today talks about several ways to do this, including:

- identifying the thoughts as intrusive (you've already named the fact that you don't like these thoughts)
- clarifying that they are involuntary and irrelevant to daily life (you've already named their irrelevance to daily life)
- accepting their presence instead of pushing them away (this seems counterintuitive, but accepting these thoughts can mean learning to cope with them so that they don't overpower you)
- continuing normal behavior (try not to stay inside your head. Get back into the normal swing of things)
- understanding that the thoughts may return (and that you can be prepared for them)
- practicing meditation or mindfulness (practice replacing the thoughts, or talking yourself through them)

I would add to these that it might help to find a preferable thought to replace upsetting thoughts with, like erasing messages from a whiteboard and replacing it with something else. The "message" may appear in your mind again, but you can actively acknowledge its presence and mentally going somewhere else. Maybe you have a favorite album you like to listen to that you can hum the lyrics to, or a favorite book you like to read?

[Skylar7593]

Well, I wouldn't say they are brought on completely randomly. It's usually when I think about something that I found arousing in the past or something that reminds me of such a thing. I don't know if that counts as intrusive or not.

[Emily N]

Hi Skylar7593,

When I think of “intrusive thoughts”, I generally think of thoughts that cause distress or are very unwanted. I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with thinking about sex, and it’s normal for it to happen throughout the day! But if the thoughts are bothering you greatly, I agree with Marisha that there are ways to cope with them while also recognizing that they are there and not trying to force them away. Did any of Marisha’s suggestions stand out to you as something you’d want to try?