Dating Advice

[girlplayer34]

So let me paint you a picture... I'm 23 years old and I'm a tech entrepreneur. I've spent most of my life working which I completely ok with, most of my friends have had real relationships I have not which again is fine, or it is? I work a lot I have several employees and investors and I honestly love my job which is rare for most people. I get to go to work excited everyday about the company I am building but most of my friends are worried. You see I don't like dating at all I mean I hate what has become of dating today all of the dating apps and sliding in the DMs is a turn off for me. I am introverted so I don't hangout much plus I like being alone. I kind of wonder if relationships are even important, I mean my parents weren't married or together when they had me and my brother so what's the point? I mean I feel like I don't have options. So I guess the question is should I try dating? and is dating really important?(I'm also a believer in the scientific method which is why I asked these questions) other opinions and thoughts are welcome.

[Sam W]

Hi girlplayer34,

In terms of whether you should try dating, I would say only if you want to or are interested in it. Trying to date out of obligation or the feeling that it's what you "should" be doing is a great way to end up resenting or disliking the process even more.

As far as whether dating is important, that really depends on any given person and what they prioritize in life. For some people, romantic and/or sexual relationships are things they really enjoy and what their lives to include. For others, they're nice to have but not something they're actively pursuing, and others aren't interested in them, period.

So, my question for you is: do you want to be dating right now? Is it the platforms (like dating apps) that are uninteresting to you, or dating as whole?

[girlplayer34]

To be honest is mostly the dating apps that put me off I don't wanna meet someone that way I think its lame. I have never had a girlfriend before so I don't know what to look for even if I did. I miss dating when it was simple it's much more complicated now with apps and social media its nearly impossible... or it just feels that way.

[Sam W]

Were there ways of dating in the past that worked for you, or felt more manageable? And if you could find a way of dating that felt manageable, would you want to try it? Or would dating still not hold interest for you?

It's okay if apps and other digital tools don't work for you. However, that may be another point in favor of holding off on dating for the time being. Given the pandemic, remote dating is really the main option available, which could make things even more frustrating for you.

[Heather]

(Gentle reminder that "lame" used in that way is ableist, and an ask for other wording instead, like maybe that you just don't like it. Thanks. <3)

You know, as someone old enough to have been dating long before apps and social media, I wouldn't say it was simpler before, especially as a queer person. If anything, given how small queer communities can be, I think that this has made it easier, but that's just my two cents.

You certainly don't have to date that way (with apps and social), but with the pandemic, meeting people in person is not going to be a very workable plan at the moment. Of course, if you don't want to date at all, it's not like you have to. I'd say that if you don't feel a real desire to, particularly given that dating at this point in time is extra-extra challenging, I don't see why you would. It's one of those things like sex or eating, where if you don't have an earnest desire, if you're not hungry for it, pursuing it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Besides the fact that others are in sexual or romantic relationships, is that something you want for yourself, for your own reasons and motivations?

[juankax]

Thanks for the suggestions Sam.