Weird sex dream about my boyfriend

[Hel]

So I've dreamed about my current boyfriend before - I remember most of my dreams and I dream about all the people I know, so those previous dreams were fine. But last night I had a really weird sex dream about my boyfriend and I'm confused about what it means.

In my dream my boyfriend and I were in a bed together and we both talked about sex, saying we both wanted it. (Partially true in real life, since I keep thinking about it but I'm not yet sure if I want to have penetrative sex.) So then the dream switched and we were trying to find a place to do it. Everything was weird and uncomfortable though because everywhere we went was unclean and there were people everywhere.

I told my boyfriend about it this morning, and we talked about our relationship a bit. We really miss each other and he speculated the dream was probably because I missed being close to him in person, etc. I think so too, but the whole dream was just unnatural and weird and it bothered me. Because the longer I think about it, the more I want to be more sexual with my boyfriend once we can see each other in person again. But this dream made sex seem wrong and dirty and it made me really confused about my own desires. I'm just kinda weirded out and some reassurance about my relationship would be great. Like, I have anxiety sometimes because of how I was treated by my ex, so I need someone to tell me my current relationship is entirely different, and that the idea of my boyfriend and I having sex/being more sexual isn't 'dirty' or 'wrong' like the dream made me feel.

Also, I know Valentine's day is coming up and so is our six-month anniversary so maybe that's part of it? I just miss him and knowing he misses me just as much makes me feel worse.

[Sam W]

Hi Hel,

Dreams, especially sex dreams, can be wild. Something that can help when trying to parse them is that dreams involving our brains doing a weird combination of sorting through the inputs they've gotten recently and playing Mad Libs. That means they can create all sorts of things that don't reflect our reality, or they're taking something true (like us being stressed) and creating a random story that expresses that feeling. Does that make sense?

It sounds like you're current relationship is really positive; in both this thread and others, it seems like the two of you can talk pretty openly about sex and the state of the relationship, which is great! And if it helps to hear, there's nothing wrong or dirty about sex. Not only is it an okay thing to want, if it's done with a lot of communication it can be a really positive experience.

[Hel]

What you said about dreams being a way of processing things defined makes sense. I guess I’ve been thinking a lot about my boyfriend and craving intimacy and being with him in person. I guess just knowing that he misses me (and I’m pretty sure he’s as horny as I am or more, lol) makes my feelings stronger.

Sex is such a strange thing for me to think about and talk about. I never wanted it in my previous relationship since my ex was a creep. (I mean I masturbated but that’s a bit different) But damn, I think about it so much now.

Story time: I don’t really have a person in my immediate family who I feel like I can talk to about sex - not that my family isn’t supportive of me and my romantic relationships. I just feel like they’re not the people I want to share this stuff with. I guess I have a family-friend who I feel like I could ask questions to if I wanted to have sex. But I think not having that person to talk to might be the reason for why I feel so awkward about it.

I am really glad my relationship with my boyfriend is so positive and healthy - he helps validate my emotions and desires, and goes at such a nice pace. It’s so hard for me to tell him I want to take things to another level. I mean, I hinted at it when we talked about my dream. I think he wants to be more sexual too but the long-distance thing makes it so much harder.

Also, this is kinda unrelated but if my boyfriend and I do plan on having sex in the future, could you send an article on when to take birth control? And would the pill and a condom be fairly risk-free - like more than 90% effective? Thanks for all the help!

[Heather]

Hey there, Hel.

There's no right time to start a birth control method, because that depends on what method you intend to be using: some methods are effective immediately, others, like the pill, can take some time to become fully effective (though when you start taking them makes a difference).

Sounds like you're still investigating methods, so why don't you start here, with our guide to all the methods, which includes specific information like this about each: Birth Control Bingo!

For info on the effectiveness rates of combined, methods, you can check out: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method.

[Hel]

Thank you for the articles and all the advice! I'll be sure to check those out.

[Heather]

I'm happy to help you pick methods if you want more one-on-one help. It's one of my favorite things to do.

[Hel]

Hi,

Helping me out with methods might be a good thing. I'm actually already taking birth control, and I wanted to see what other methods could be used with the one I'm taking so that I can minimize pregnancy/STD risk as much as possible.

(Hopefully I'll go back to being in-person at school soon so my boyfriend and I can talk about sex/being more sexual in a way that's not online. So I thought it might be useful to be as educated about safe sex as possible before then.)

I was looking at the different Birth Control Bingo articles; in particular, the male condom + combination OCP (that's the pill I'm taking). It seems like it has a high effective rate. I'm not sure where to get condoms though. Because I go to school in a small town, I don't know what kind of store I'm looking for, or what brands work best. And are the brands different in Europe?

[Siân]

Hi Hel,

Using both the combined pill and external condoms is a great way to prevent both pregnancy and STI's - together they have a very high effectiveness rate.

You should be able to find them in pharmacies and supermarkets, possibly even free at your doctors surgery or from local youth services. In terms of brands, it's mostly a case of personal preference - which means trying a bunch out and seeing what you like! Some things to think about:
- Latex or non-latex? Latex is most common, though it's not suitable for folks with a latex allergy, and some people like non-latex ones more for the feel of them
- What size? condoms come in pretty standard lengths, but the girth can vary and should suit your partner's penis. If they're slipping, go smaller, if they're hard to get on and are splitting go bigger.
- What thickness? a lot of manufacturers do thicker condoms marketed as "extra safe". In reality, these don't fail any less than the extra-thin ones since they tend to cause more friction.

There are safety standards for condoms worldwide, of which one of the most common ins the European CE mark (you can see logos for a couple of the recognised safety standards here: https://menrus.co.uk/sti-content/condom-standards/). I would expect it to be pretty hard to find any condoms that DON'T meet one of the standards in Austria but it's nice to have that reassurance.

[Hel]

Thanks for all the great information! I'll be sure to look at the link as well.

[Siân]

My pleasure if you have any more questions we're right here!