resources for preOP preHRT MtF

[soybun]

hey there,
after looking around a bit on this (very amazing) website and the forum i have come to the realisation that there is a surpisingly small amount of posts about masturbation for MtF individuals. maybe i wasn't looking hard enough, but it'd be cool if i could get some answers to my questions! links to other sites, forum posts etc are also appreciated :>

1. what are common ways for MtF's to masturbate? i have read fucking trans girls and girl sex 101 and found them really useful, however i seem to be dealing with the issue that i get kinda bored from doing the same thing over and over.
2. i have a shaving gel for the intimate region which contains xanthan gum, a common ingredient found in water-based lubes. so far i've been using it fairly often while masturbating and it's been working fine, however i have considered buying lube one would normally use for sexual activities. would they have any difference? if this question can't be answered, that is 100% fine, this is more of a curiosity-thing than anything else.
3. how do i deal with ejaculate? it seems annoying to me and sometimes it sticks to surfaces which i don't want it to stick to. is there anything that can remove it easily?
4. would it be worth it for me to try out sex toys? i have a store nearby where i can buy them discreetly (legally too), but i am not particularly excited by the idea that someone in my family might find them through some random chance, even though nobody really looks through my stuff.
5. are condoms something i should have when i'm considering sex toys? i don't plan on having intercourse with anyone any time soon, so naturally i don't have any.

a few questions unrelated to masturbation n stuff:
6. how do i deal with chest dysphoria? whenever i see my bare chest in the mirror i get strong repulsive emotions and have to look away immediately. i'd also love to get breast prosthetics, however idk how i'm supposed to communicate this to my family (i'm out to them, and while they do support me, they are taking things slowly and don't want to rush it, which i can understand, but it makes decisions like these more difficult). i'm also conflicted on buying it because i wouldn't be able to wear it to school, which is the place i spend most of my time at.
7. can you tuck without taping with non-specialised underwear/gaffs?

i think this wall of text and question marks i all i have to share for now, and if you read this, thank you for taking your time to do so :)

[Sam W]

Hi beanmilk,

Those are all great questions! I do think we get slightly more questions from trans guys on the boards about masturbation, but you're definitely not the first trans woman to have some of these!

1) The short answer is that this is as variable as how any other group masturbates. It also depends on how much bottom dysphoria a person feels, as that influences the degree to which they're comfortable directly touching or looking at their genitals. Would you say you're comfortable with that, or do you prefer forms of masturbation that are less likely to set off bottom dysphoria.

2) If the shaving gel is working for you and isn't irritating your skin or anything like that, then right now there's no need to go buy additional lube.

3) This really depends on how you like to masturbate. For instance, some people find that masturbating into something, whether that's a sex toy designed for that purpose or something like a sock or a tissue, helps minimize mess. Others find putting down a towel or keeping their underwear on does the same, or they decide to masturbate in the shower/tub while bathing. As for cleaning up, soap and water usually do the trick, but if you have wet wipes/baby wipes handy those are also pretty effective.

4) If you're curious about them, you can certainly explore sex toys. That being said, if you'd rather not have them be discovered, it might be worth playing around with ones you can safely DIY from things that are less likely to immediately scream "I'm a sex toy" if someone sees them: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition

5) I generally suggest having condoms around to cover sex toys, especially if they're ones that are being inserted in any way.

6) With chest dysphoria, does it feel like it's pretty intense all the time, and worst when you see your bare chest? Or does it feel like it's manageable most of the time but suddenly gets way worse when you see yourself topless?

7) I really like this as a guide to tucking safely: https://www.transhub.org.au/tucking. If underwear made to help with tucking aren't an option, one common trick is to get underwear that are pretty tight or form fitting so they help keep everything where you put it.

[soybun]

Hello again,

sorry for the late reply, i read the message a day after you replied and completely forgot afterwards... oops :p
anyways, to question 6: it's only really present when i either touch my chest, be it through clothes or not, or when i see my bare chest. other than that, i get some occasional thought about it and slight discomfort, but not nearly as much as when the two things listed above happen.
thank you again for your answers :3

[Latha]

Hi Soybun! Don't worry about the late reply, it is alright.

If money was not a concern, how would you feel about getting a bra or camisole to wear? On their own, they tend to be less expensive and easier to get than proper breast forms. You could wear them to school, and wear a thick shirt or hoody to keep them from being noticed.

You know, if you want breast prosthetics or bras to alleviate chest dysphoria, I would consider that a necessity. I know you said that your parents are taking this slowly, but you shouldn't have to wait for them if you need this. If you'd like, we can help you brainstorm ways to have a conversation with them. (We can also help you figure out how to communicate with your school about being trans, if you'd want that.)

Anecdotally, I've heard that putting a pillow between your chest and arms can help with chest dysphoria while you're sleeping.

[soybun]

Hi Latha,

i'm not really sure on how/where to buy a bra that will fit me, but that wouldn't even be my main concern. bras/camisoles obviously need washing and, well, i still live with my parents (and most importantly my brother) and i'd rather not have it spiral into a really awkward conversation. that being said, he will be moving out soon so i hope i get a chance to do smth about that. related to that, would i have to fill the bra with something to make it seem more realistic?

another issue is that i don't think that i could hide it away enough for it to be unnoticable to others as i have a rather small statue and stuff like this easily stands out.

this also leads me to the next question: how do i communicate this to my peers? i have no idea whatsoever if they suddenly came up to me and asked me anything remotely related to this (in fact, this has happened before and i froze for a good second and replied very vaguely, to which the guy responded with a look that reads suspicion). however, i have communicated this to the school and to important teachers, and they do support me and have also provided me with keys for a separate bathroom and changing room. the current solution that i have to this issue is to wait till next semester starts and classes get divided into courses where people don't know me yet/know me as someone who they think is a girl (i do pass most of the time when i don't talk).

as for the pillow between the chest and arm, i actually do that! its very comforting

to sum up, i think brainstorming of a way to communicate this to my parents/mom would be a good idea.

its 1:45am and i am very tired i hope this is not a mess lmao
thanks for reading :3

[Sam W]

Hi Soybun,

With whether to fill out a bra or similar while wearing one, that's entirely up to you and what would make you feel most comfortable. If wearing it is mainly about having affirming clothing on, then filling the cups might not be necessary. But if it's important for you to have a bigger chest, then you may want to explore your options for filling the cups.

As for how to communicate this to peers, that's probably going to look different from instance to instance, but we can certainly talk about some general strategies! Since it sounds like you're in the process of socially transitioning at school, are you mainly wondering how to handle conversations with peers who might remember you from before you transitioned? Or conversations where someone asks you point blank if you're trans? Something else?

With communicating with your parents about wanting gender affirming gear, have they ever voiced objections or concerns to the idea of you wearing breast forms or things like that? Or is it more that you're not sure how their desire for you to not rush things will play out in this instance?

[soybun]

hi sam,

since my chest/shoulders aren't that broad i think i could go with just not filling them out, thanks for the tip!

i honestly am kind of worried about both of those questions, and i even thought about going to another school to start fresh but i don't think that's a viable option for me right now. the worst situation i could imagine myself being in is having someone who used to be a close friend suddenly ask me why i changed this much. i have zero issues telling strangers about who i am/why they should get out of my face if they think i'm weird, but it's a bit different with people i already know somewhat well.

my parents have never voiced any objections (in fact, my mom still asks me every now and then if i want to steal stuff from her wardrobe), it's more of the latter. another issue i have with this is that i have no idea how to tell them this in chinese since we only speak chinese at home. but i guess i can't get much help for that here lol.

[Sam W]

I hear you on it feeling harder to field questions from people who know you; after all, those are people you have or had a connection with, and that makes it harder to tell them to back off or that it's none of their business (though you still absolutely have a right to do those things).

With conversations where someone might ask you about why you've changed or what's going on, you do very much have the option to tailor your answer to your connection to that person and how much you know about their feelings on trans folks. For instance, if you trust the person, you could come out to them in that moment and let them know you're mid-transition. But if it's someone you're less sure about, you could give a vague answer like "this is how I feel most comfortable" or "I'm just testing out different looks." Statements like that don't deny that they're noticing a difference, but they don't require you to come out or get into a discussion about trans stuff if you don't want to.

Do you speak Mandarin at home, or a different dialect? I know that people have put together guides for talking about trans topics in languages other than English, so I suspect we could help you find some resources like that to give you the vocabulary to talk about this with your family.

If those concerns about rushing things do come up, I think it's fair to point out that you have been taking this slow (heck, it's been about two months since you started talking with us about it some aspects of it). But more than that, the parts of transition you're talking about right now are all reversible if you did "rush" into them.