Don't feel anything when masturbating

[LovelyEvaline]

The title says it all...
For context, I am a cisgender woman. When I try to do anything to myself (fingering myself, using vibrators), I just... Feel nothing. And it sucks, because I get very horny and feel the need to relieve this feeling but I just can't. I... Don't know if I'm doing this wrong, or something... Mental circumstances (paranoia, mostly) prevented me from being comfortable playing with myself when I was younger, so maybe I just don't know? This is probably a bit stupid, I would just really like to know how to get off.

[al]

Hi there LovelyEvaline, and welcome to Scarleteen!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling to feel much when masturbating. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but unfortunately there are a lot of different aspects to masturbation and self-pleasure that are a little more complicated than just being horny or "hitting the right spot".
Some questions for you: what does masturbation look like for you? Is it something that you've tried to do regularly, or has it just been once or twice? Are you usually alone at home, or are there other people in the house?
It sounds like you're able to feel aroused and want to relieve that buildup, but you aren't able to get the results that you'd like. Is there anything that does feel good that you can do with your body, even if it doesn't lead to orgasm or relieving that tension?
You also mentioned some "paranoia" previously around masturbation. Can you say more on that? How do you think that's affected how you think about your body and masturbation today?

Below are some articles that you might find helpful to read through, just in case:
- Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
- How to Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women
- Yield for Pleasure
- The Sex Goddess Blues: Overcoming Sexual Shame

[LovelyEvaline]

Hello, and thank you for your reply! I'll try to answer these questions ^^;
What does masturbation look like for you?
Uh... I try to stick my fingers/vibrator in my vagina and attempt to like... Cause myself to feel something. I guess. I dunno how to phrase this. There are times when I kinda rub against a pillow or something and I can kinda feel something when doing that? Not much though. I don't know, though reading the links you included kinda made me realize I was probably going about this the wrong way lol
Is it something you've tried to do regularly?
... Admittedly, no. At some point I just thought "I don't feel anything why bother lol" so I really don't do this as often as I'd like to. More on why I don't do this often in the next bit.
Are you usually alone at home?
No, and that kind of ties with the paranoia thing. I don't like the feeling of being watched, which is kind of an ongoing fear/paranoia I have with everything. It may affect quite a bit, given that the arousal kind of disappears once I start thinking "Shit, what if I get spotted???" which doesn't happen often, it at all, but still...

And yeah, there are things that feel good to do with my body, like the aforementioned rubbing against pillows thing. Doesn't really relieve much tension though sadly >.< I don't know how helpful this response was and I hope I phrased things right

[Sam W]

Hi LovelyEvaline,

Thank you for those answers, they're very helpful! I want to focus in on that paranoia and lack of privacy, because it sounds like that's playing a big role in shutting down your arousal (and if you're stressed about being seen, it's hard for masturbation to feel good at all). Is that worry about being seen coming from the fact you don't have a space where you can lock the door and be alone? Or something else?

[LovelyEvaline]

I can lock the door, but I can't really be alone... My parents usually like, knock on the door and want me to do something, and the only other place I can really be alone other than the bathroom doesn't have a lock. I do also fear that there are, like, cameras somewhere so that's a pretty big thing? But that's more of a mental problem I need to get sorted out

[Sam W]

If you feel like you can never really be alone, then that can definitely effect whether or not masturbation feels good. Are there times when you're alone in the house that you could take advantage of? Or, how do you feel about using the time you're in the shower or tub to masturbate?

Since it sounds like you know some of the more intense paranoia is something you want to address, have you ever spoken to a mental healthcare provider about it?