Masturbation

[jenny01]

Hi. So all of a sudden I've been craving sex even though I'm a virgin, have never been in a relationship, and haven't even had my first kiss yet. So I started masturbating, but idk if I'm feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling. Sometimes it feels good but sometimes it doesn't. What should I be feeling?

[Heather]

Hi there, Jenny, welcome to the boards. (I lived in Minneapolis for about six years and loved it -- say hi for me!)

You know, there truly is no "should" here, just like there isn't a should when it comes to how eating should feel, how taking a walk should feel, or how having a conversation should feel. Instead, what there is is a whole lot of diversity, not just from person to person, but even often for a given person from experience to experience, phase of life to phase of life.

That said, masturbation is generally (this is super-simplified) something people do from a place of curiosity, comfort-seeking, pleasure-seeking, or all of the above. So, when people feel like it's doing what they want from it, it's usually feeling like it's sating any or all of those things in some way; satisfying or answering curiosity in some way, providing some kind of comfort or pleasure.

Ultimately, all that matters with is, since it's a choice, is that it's something you want to be doing that feels in some way beneficial, or even just neutral -- rather than detrimental -- for you.

It might help to think and talk about what you're looking for in it right now?

[jenny01]

Right now I think I'm lonely and I want to feel something. If that makes sense?

[Heather]

Sure. Especially right now in the world.

Unfortunately, one of the things masturbation really can't provide is companionship, since, unless we're doing it with someone else, it's something where we're alone. But it can certainly create an array of feelings -- physical sensation, obviously, but also emotional feelings, as well, thoughts, ideas, the works. Is it doing any of that for you? Does it feel like what you want when you're doing it, even if it's not meeting all the needs you have, including those it just can't?

[jenny01]

It does make me feel better emotionally since when I do it I fantasize about someone doing it to me. It also helps me sleep better. And I like the feeling of it, but sometimes I wonder if it's the right feeling because sometimes it doesn't feel as good as other times.

[Heather]

There really isn't a "right" here, I absolutely promise. The only "wrong" is really if it hurts you in some way physically, makes you feel bad emotionally instead of good or okay, or if something about it is messing up your life. In any of those cases. Get what I mean?

How any of us feels with any kind of sex, masturbation included, or what we get out of it really is so diverse. Unless you're feeling like this isn't okay for you or isn't what you want, I don't see any reason to be concerned here or any reason to think you're not feeling the right things. You're feeling what you're feeling!

[jenny01]

Yeah I get what you mean.
And ok good! It's just I'm really new to this and I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't doing anything wrong. Thanks for your help!

[Heather]

Happy to give it. We're here if and when you've got any other questions or concerns! <3