Confusion regarding pre cum when a guy is aroused

[Anonymous786]

Hi there ! Hope all is well
I have a question regarding pre cum that a guy may leak when he is aroused,
If for example a guy may touch his penis outside of his pants or inside his pants when aroused to adjust it and just casually sits next to a girl and may for example start touching her clothes or hands no where near her vagina , why does this not pose a pregnancy risk ? As the girl may have been in contact with the guys pre cum ? Also it just made me wonder if this was the case people would be worried about touching door handles, shaking peoples hands etc ? Isn’t that right ?Hope someone can help me thanks also Can pre cum survive on sweaty hands because they are moist and they tend to like moist areas ?
I’ve always been told any form of contact with pre cum or cum would probably get you pregnant hence my question

[Sam W]

Hi Anonymous786,

The reason pre-ejaculate can't pose a risk in those scenarios is that sperm require very specific conditions to survive and co-create a pregnancy. Those conditions just aren't present in things like being on someone's hand or clothes. You can read more about why that is in these two articles:
Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?
Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide

[Anonymous786]

Hi Sam
Thank you for replying ah okay I understand what sort of environment does it need is it it’s own fluids ? What about places like sinks , toilets etc cuz they are wet would they survive there ? So if you did have pre cum on your hands without realising it wouldn’t matter ? And like let’s say you go loo two hours later and of course touch your self I fear I may have ocd around this situation it’s like as if pre cum or cum scare me and it’s dirty

[Sam W]

Nope, they can't survive on places like sinks or toilet seats for the same reason they can't survive on hands: sperm are fragile, and need very specific conditions to survive.

I know in the past we've talked about you bringing up these fears around things like pregnancy and sperm to your therapist. Have you been able to do that yet? If so, how has that conversation gone?

[Anonymous786]

Hi Sam
Yes I have mentioned it to her , we did work our way round it by dealing with the scenario head on and just saying what I’m thinking out loud and how silly it sounds I just hope I’m able to over come this because in the future it’s going to stop me from becoming intimate with a man as I am so frightened of becoming pregnant

[Heather]

I might suggest that you try to let go of the idea that it sounds silly. People have the fears that they have, and even when they're not rational or reasonable, they're real, and they usually come from something real (like, in this case, from things like sexual shame, religious fears, fear of grave consequences from pregnancy, as a few examples).

It's harder to work through our issues if we don't take them seriously and don't recognize them as valid. <3

[Anonymous786]

Hi heather
Thank you for that
I understand but it’s hard to let go of such thoughts unfortunately
I’m just so scared of pre cum or cum that some how it’s gunna make it’s way into me and get me pregnant
When pre cum is soaked In a guys boxers does it die ? Or is it still active if it is touched by the guy

[Heather]

I get it!

It just doesn't work that way, period, because pregnancy isn't like an infection, where someone's body just needs to be introduced to the germ. Rather, sperm cells are only one *part* of the whole process, and only one of several factors essential for pregnancy. They also can't go anywhere all by themselves. They lack that ability.

To find out more about how pregnancy actually works, if you don't know already, take a look here: Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide.

But if you already know the facts, more times than not, fears like this don't get solved with facts, because the fears themselves are based in something else, like, for instance, whatever it is that makes the idea of pregnancy so scary for you. For instance, one common situation with that is that people are afraid of being shamed, ostracized or kicked out by family, or even outright abused, so it's really THOSE fears a person needs to deal with to address THIS fear. Get what I mean?

[Anonymous786]

Hi heather
Thanks for that I have given that a read
I do understand how it works
And I’m not sure how to deal with the fear sometimes just being in contact with a man scares me as I don’t know where his hands have been even if he has pre cum on his hands maybe god knows from where it scares me and some how think it might make me pregnant which of course sounds silly right ? Because it is no where near the vagina
Why do some people say pre cum or sperm can live on some surfaces for around 20 minutes as in fresh just come out ?
Is this true
For example if someone with pre cum on there hands touched your clothes and then you touched them and later on you went to the loo and touched your vagina would this be a cause of pregnancy?
There is a fear of what will people think and hearing things that happen on the news how people who are virgins become pregnant so it’s like why can’t that happen to me too kinda thing if that makes sense ?

[Sam W]

It sounds like something else that's going on here is that you're running up against inaccurate information about how pregnancy happens from other sources, so I think this tool might help you out: Legit or Unfit? Finding Safe, Sound Sex Educators & Support Online.

Too, it can help to remember that stories about virgins who got pregnant usually involve one of two things: someone, for whatever reason, flat out lying, or someone defining virginity in a way that means they had sexual contact that posed a risk but, in their minds, didn't define it as losing their virginity.

Since these fears are so persistent, can you bring them up with your therapist again so the two of you can try some other techniques for addressing them? And would you say the underlying fear of getting pregnant has to do with how your family or community would react?