How do I stop masturbating?

[Skylar7593]

I know there is nothing wrong with masturbation and that it isn't unhealthy and all that stuff, but I still have three reasons why I wanna stop. The first is that I always feel really bad after doing it and like I did something wrong or "dirty" and I just feel like crap after it. The second is that I am trans and I probably have dysphoria (although I don't have a diagnosis of it yet) and touching and feeling and thinking about my genitals makes me feel really really dysphoric and adds to the bad feeling I already talked about. The last is that I'm religious, Catholic to be exact, and the Church says it is a sin to masturbate. That doesn't give me the right to judge those who do or anything, but it makes me wanna stop.

I still kinda want to do it, because it feels great, but I feel like the bad things outweigh the 10-ish minutes of feeling kinda good.

So how do I do it? It is awfully hard and the longest I've managed was not even a whole month.

[Marisha]

Hi Skylar 7593,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. I can personally relate to your struggle with feeling guilt and discomfort around masturbation, so I know what you're going through is tough.

Let's see if we can talk this out, going in the order of your points:

So first, I hear that you understand that masturbation isn't 'unhealthy', whatever we qualify that to mean - the idea that masturbating is bad for your health is an old-school scare tactic to keep people from doing it, when in reality, the opposite can be true - but it still sounds like, rather than hurting your physical health, your feelings of guilt and discomfort are a strain on your mental health. I find that engaging in any kind of feel-good behavior - even nonsexual things like listening to my favorite songs or going for a walk on a nice day - can become a strain when I'm not in a good place mentally. Your initial instinct to try and stop - even if it's for a little while - is a good idea, just so you can learn how to cope with these feelings of discomfort and dysphoria. I don't think it will just go away if you keep doing it while ignoring these feelings, so taking a break or even stopping entirely while you work through it sounds like a good idea to me.

Second, I think what I said above also applies to your feelings of dysphoria - these feelings are your body and mind's way of getting you to pay attention to these emotional needs, you know? - but I also want to add that with dysphoria, a diagnosis is something you need to attain medical care. I just want to say that I don't think you should feel like you need to go through a doctor to be able to use the word 'dysphoric' to describe your relationship to your body.

The third one is a big one! Because it's a tall order for either you or me to contend with the traditional ideas of Catholocism in one sitting. However, I want to say to this point that the relationship you have with both God and with your body is personal and specific to you. I hate this idea that you should feel damned or sinful for things you do that do not hurt another person. But then, it's not up to me. It's up to you.

So it sounds like some coping methods are in order, given the fact that you struggle with abstaining from it. I have rounded up a number of articles for you that might be helpful to you on this emotional journey. Please feel free to respond to any of these ideas I've hit you with, and we can keep the conversation going.

Welcome to Trans Summer School!
How can I stop feeling so guilty?
Undoing Sexual Shame
I feel sexually frustrated all the time. What do I do?

[Skylar7593]

Thank you for the articles about coping mechanisms, but I really don't want to learn to cope with these feelings (well, other than dysphoria). I want to stop masturbating fully untill I figure out what I believe in (because of the third reason). After I figure that out, I can start thinking about coping with those feelings. So again, how do I actually stop?

[Sam W]

Hi Skylar7593,

In terms of putting a pause on masturbation, I really like the advice Mo gives in this column about treating the desire to masturbate like hunger: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... _the_first. Do the suggestions in that piece feel like something you could try?

[Skylar7593]

Yes, that sounds good. Thank you!

[Sam W]

You're welcome!