Scarleteen

So I'm 18, f, and have been trying to masturbate for years now without any success. Though only with my hand because I live with my parents and am not able to buy a vibrator. I've tried touching my clit and my vagina, fingering, both when I was and wasn't aroused, but the only difference it made is that after yielding no results, I quickly got bored and turned off, when I was aroused. I've read many articles on this already, but I feel like 'exploring' my body slowly and getting in the mood isn't for me cuz I get really bored, very quickly without feeling at least something. Like legit what else can I already do? I've been 'exploring' and fondling myself down there for years now, and now I'm thinking that it might be some nerve damage or something, because I literally have no idea anymore; am very frustrated. I also have no idea who to talk to IRL cuz I've never heard of a person or a doctor here who would help me with sex issues and whatnot. Also it's probably worth noting that I've never been to a gynecologist.

Hi Magdalena,

It sounds like you've been trying a lot of different things, which is a great way of approaching this! To make sure I'm understanding correctly, is it that you're not feeling any sensation at all, or more that you're not feeling anything pleasurable?

Since you mention you might be interested in sex toys but aren't able to buy them, this article might help you out: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition. Too, when you try masturbating, are you using any kind of sexual media (like porn, or romance novels) to help you get in the mood?

Sam W wrote:Hi Magdalena,

It sounds like you've been trying a lot of different things, which is a great way of approaching this! To make sure I'm understanding correctly, is it that you're not feeling any sensation at all, or more that you're not feeling anything pleasurable?

Since you mention you might be interested in sex toys but aren't able to buy them, this article might help you out: D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition. Too, when you try masturbating, are you using any kind of sexual media (like porn, or romance novels) to help you get in the mood?

So I do feel sensation but, it's nothing even remotely pleasurable and doesn't feel like it's 'building' up to something bigger. It just feels like I'm touching any other non-erogenous part of my body. I don't watch porn because I find it very boring and just not very exciting in general personally, but I do read romance novels and do feel like a kind of a pulsing (?) when aroused where my vagina or clitoris is, but when I try to touch myself at those moments, it doesn't feel pleasurable at all, like I only get a vague sensation of touching myself there, just like I would touching my arm or something, and because of that I very quickly get turned off and just lose the whole mood out of frustration.

Edit: 3 forgot to mention that I tried the shower head method a few times, even with the very strong, one point current, aiming it directly at my clit and still felt nothing...

Hi Magdalena, what you're describing is very common, so there's no need to worry about things like nerve damage (the fact that there's a pulsing sensation in the genital area when you're aroused means sexual pleasure isn't far away at all!). I understand exactly how frustrating it is when touching yourself feels like touching any other body part, especially because erotic media and popular depictions of sex promise fireworks right from the start. But sexual pleasure looks different for everybody, and for some of us, it might take longer to get there. Also, each masturbation session looks different as well for an individual: there's no guarantee that your orgasm will be the same each time, or even that you WILL orgasm! A healthier approach to masturbation and sex in general is enjoying every sensation as it comes, instead of treating every touch as a prequel or a build-up to the climax.

The fact that you're going in with the expectation of frustration may mean that you're putting pressure on yourself to feel good, and that sort of stress will definitely limit pleasure. The best masturbation happens when one is relaxed, both in body and in mind, so I'd suggest taking time out to relax yourself right before you start touching yourself, and ensure that there are no environmental stressors around, like lack of privacy or a lack of time. You could also try investing in sex toys, if that's something you're comfortable with! Let me know if this advice helps, or if you have further questions/comments.

boosterseat wrote:Hi Magdalena, what you're describing is very common, so there's no need to worry about things like nerve damage (the fact that there's a pulsing sensation in the genital area when you're aroused means sexual pleasure isn't far away at all!). I understand exactly how frustrating it is when touching yourself feels like touching any other body part, especially because erotic media and popular depictions of sex promise fireworks right from the start. But sexual pleasure looks different for everybody, and for some of us, it might take longer to get there. Also, each masturbation session looks different as well for an individual: there's no guarantee that your orgasm will be the same each time, or even that you WILL orgasm! A healthier approach to masturbation and sex in general is enjoying every sensation as it comes, instead of treating every touch as a prequel or a build-up to the climax.

The fact that you're going in with the expectation of frustration may mean that you're putting pressure on yourself to feel good, and that sort of stress will definitely limit pleasure. The best masturbation happens when one is relaxed, both in body and in mind, so I'd suggest taking time out to relax yourself right before you start touching yourself, and ensure that there are no environmental stressors around, like lack of privacy or a lack of time. You could also try investing in sex toys, if that's something you're comfortable with! Let me know if this advice helps, or if you have further questions/comments.

Well, I just kind of accepted that I won't be able to feel anything by my hands, since I'm probably just naturally very inept at it or something. So instead I'm holding out to when I finally can buy a vibrator, I'm hoping that a toy specifically designed for that will eventually make me feel something, and if THAT doesn't work...Don't even want to go there. Somehow, I think that me being by my lonesome is the reason why I get very bored and am not able to sustain excitement for very long. When I think masturbation, I just want to jam something down there and be done with it, because just kind of sitting alone, trying to get myself worked up, doesn't really appeal to me. I'm sure it would be different if I was exploring with another person, I think I would be able to feel something, but that's not really relevant.

I think that's a really useful insight! While lots of people enjoy masturbating, there are plenty of folks who find it's not really for them, or that they only enjoy it under very certain circumstances. So, there's nothing wrong with taking a break from it, or not doing it at all if that's what feels like the least frustrating option. Too, you can also decide to only try it when you notice you're already turned on; even if that ends up not being pleasurable and you stop, it's likely to be less frustrating than trying to get going when you're not turned on at all. Does that make sense?

Sam W wrote:I think that's a really useful insight! While lots of people enjoy masturbating, there are plenty of folks who find it's not really for them, or that they only enjoy it under very certain circumstances. So, there's nothing wrong with taking a break from it, or not doing it at all if that's what feels like the least frustrating option. Too, you can also decide to only try it when you notice you're already turned on; even if that ends up not being pleasurable and you stop, it's likely to be less frustrating than trying to get going when you're not turned on at all. Does that make sense?

Yes, well, I'm still frustrated I can't do it, since it seems like it's such a crucial and not to mention normal part of everyone's lives, so idk.

Masturbation is important for a lot of people, but there are some people who don't masturbate at all, or do sometimes but don't have particularly strong feelings about it, or who go through periods where they enjoy it and periods where they don't. If it isn't happening for you right now, then even if that's frustrating (which I can certainly understand), forcing the issue isn't likely to help; as others have mentioned, that feeling of stress or frustration tends to make masturbation less pleasurable, so it can be a bit of a self-perpetuating cycle if you keep trying when it just doesn't feel great.

I can really relate to this. Thank you all for the advice!