Scarleteen

Hi all.
I Know i have come on here alot in forms of asking for reassurance etc and i do know the policy on asking regarding pregnancy scares
what I am going to ask is not due to a pregnancy scare
since my last post on her my anxiety around pre cum has just gotten worse
Ive been trying with my therapist to calm this down it did work at first but right now I have had to take a break from counselling due to personal reasons so I feel like my brain is going into overdrive!
some how my brain has been making me think now that being near a guy who i dont know where his hands have been and he may touch like my legs fully clothed of course some how i have an image in my head that if he has traces or pre cum or cum on his hand that is now on my clothes and i dont know and its going to work its way up my clothes and pants and into my vagina and get me pregnant! which i know sounds so unrealistic because i know this isnt how it works but its hard because anxiety tells me other wise I am so tempted to do pregnancy tests but im trying to fight the urge so bad
I have had situations where maybe kissing the guy fully clothed and he had a little wet spot from pre cum in his pants then he touched his jeans to check it automatically I went into panic mode of now omg he has traces of pre cum on his hands I told him not to touch me after because I was so scared I could impregnate myself:( his hand slightly brushed onto my fully clothed leg near my knee but I still went into panic mode as soon as i got home i changed them due to the fear im not sure what else to do with these situations of anxiety around pregnancy im truly sorry for the long post but any reply would be appreciated thanks!

Hi there Anonymous786, sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time with you anxiety and feeling distressed. Its a really rough space to be in.

I can see from your prior threads that anxiety about this topic is something that you have been dealing with for a while; it can take a while to work through an intense fear, even when you have information that the fear itself isn't grounded in reality and understand it, the fear response can still happen, that is a really common thing for people. I'll provide you with some information that you can use to remind yourself that these scenarios that you describe can in no way lead to pregnancy, returning to reputable resources like the linked article are useful forms of addressing fears when they arise. Do you think that bookmarking them to re-read could be a useful grounding technique for you?

Also, has your therapist in the past given you any self-soothing/redirection techniques for when you're in an anxious state like this? Essentially, there are things you can do to calm yourself and distract your brain. In case it is useful, here is a link with some ideas: Self-Care: A La Carte!. Having a list of books/video games/podcasts or something you like that will distract you are good too.

With anxieties of this nature, seeing a therapist is an important part healing and recovery, would you feel comfortable sharing why you have stopped seeing your therapist? Perhaps we can help you navigate a way to find a way you can still have therapy that overcomes an obstacle you are facing.


Here are some things to remember, bookmark and read to remind yourself of why these scenarios you are worried about cannot lead to pregnancy:

In the scenarios that you describe, it is not possible for you to become pregnant, as human reproduction does not work in that way. One thing that may help you is re-framing your thinking by understanding that a sperm cell isn't like a virus or bacteria, and pregnancy is not like catching an illness - the sperm is not 'alive', nor can you become pregnant by coming into contact with it in the ways you describe.

Instead, we can describe sperm as a very specific kind of cell, that needs to come into contact with another kind of specific cell (ie. ova, egg) in a highly specific way, setting aside IVF, that specific way is through direct vulval or vaginal contact with semen that has just been ejaculated, during a fertile window in the cycle of the person with the ova. Sperm cells are highly fragile, if all these conditions are not met, pregnancy cannot happen.

You can read about this in more detail in these articles:

• Human Reproduction: A Seafarer's Guide
• Why can't I stop being so scared of pregnancy?
• Who's Afraid of Sperm Cells?

Let us know how you go trying this way of coping, and if you feel comfortable talking through your circumstances with therapy at the moment.

Hi Elise
I appreciate you taking time to reply to my post, yes unfortunately I am still dealing with this and its horrible as it effects relationships to, scared it will effect relationships in the future
Thank you for the links, I do continuously read these posts as reassurance they work for a while but then my anxiety makes me doubt the information given to me like oh you will be that one in a million who got pregnant from those scenarios which is a horrible thing to go through and I would not wish this upon anyone, it can really effect everyday life and its not a nice feeling
me and my therapist have tried techniques yes, one particular technique is called tapping its like tapping the thoughts away it helps in some scenarios but not always.
due to financial circumstances I have stopped counselling for a while
thank you for explaining further and reassuring me it has helped but of course anxiety is making me think other wises:(
im trying not to take a pregnancy test, trying to fight the urge but it is hard I know I will end up giving in
thank you for those links I appreciate it.

One more thing sorry Elise even if I was ovulating and any of those incidents occur any time in my life it still wouldn’t result in a pregnancy would it ? I know of course and available egg needs to be in place for pregnancy to occur

I think the best thing you can do, moving forward, is focus on trying to address your anxiety when it's causing you a lot of distress; there really isn't anything about potential pregnancy risks we can discuss that we haven't said here or in other threads with you, or addressed in our pregnancy scare resources.
I know it can be tough to make headway against anxiety when you don't currently have access to a counselor or therapist, but you may have luck with some of the online resources or books we've collected here: Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources.

Hi there, chiming in here to agree with Mo, the best thing you can do now is work on managing your anxiety, the Anxiety and Other Mental Health Resources. can really help you ground yourself, and try to return to what you know is true from the resources linked as you've been doing.

Sorry to hear that finances have meant that you've had to stop seeing your current therapist, as Mo said, that is extra tough. Below are some sites and resources for England to access free or low cost therapy, some of which are on the page Mo linked too. I'd really encourage you to look into them. The resources will also be useful if you need to wait a bit before your appointment, and as complimentary resources to therapy.

• NHS Page on accessing talking therapy services (free)
• Mind page has lots of links and suggestions (many free)
• OCD Action Helpline (free)
• Anxiety UK Membership (£20 per year for those in receipt of means tested benefits, £30 per year for students) includes lots of resources and gives you access to discounted therapy sessions. They also have a helpline, text service and email service.

Hi
sorry for the late reply, thank you both Mo and Elise I will definitely look into these, yes unfortunately for the time being I have had to put my counselling on hold at the moment hopefully my anxiety will be manageable I am just trying to block the thoughts out and get on with everyday life which can be a struggle at times but got to always be positive and have hope that better days are ahead
I just wanted to add I have been going over all the resources you guys have kindly given to me in the past and I have a question, in regards to the acts which do not cause pregnancy of course kissing hugging etc which I know deep down inside does not cause pregnancy, does this count for even if a guy pre cumed or ejaculated in his clothes and/or maybe touched wet spots but does not touch anywhere near the vagina but maybe just carries on making out with the girl like touching her hair, clothes etc correct? would she need to change her clothes ? Also I came across something along the lines of sitting on a spot where someone may have pre cumed or ejaculated why would this not pose a pregnancy risk? just curious
I know the way I describe pre cum and ejaculation is like as if I see it as a germ which I don't understand why unfortunately, so in regards to sitting on a spot where there may be sperm or pre cum, would this sort of scenario come under the same circumstances? if a guy for example had pre cum or sperm on his hand but is touching a girls clothes, hair , etc fully clothed not touching no where near the vagina or touching her over her clothes of course in my head I would see it as a germ and that it is being spread to her clothes hair etc and lets say for example she goes to the loo a while after and she touched her clothes or hair she would impregnate herself because the guy touched these areas with his hands, does any of this sound realistic ?? I know its just my head making up scenarios but unfortunately they feel so real! I would not wish this upon anyone I hope I can fight this
many thanks for taking the time out to read this and reply

Hi Anonymous786,

As you said, you already know deep down that the scenarios you describe do not cause pregnancy, no matter how intricate they become. You know somehow that your discomfort stems from anxiety and not from real threatening situations. It is a widespread opinion among us that the best you could do to improve your situation is to treat your anxiety with counseling and therapy, but since you have expressed your hardship at the moment to access paid counseling, Elise and Mo have listed some great free resources for you to check out. Because of the nature of your concerns we really can't do much more than that, for which I am very sorry, but we have to set a boundary as to the sort of questions we can answer for you.

I would like to reassure that from the Scarleteen team we are rooting for you 100% and will be happy to help should you have other questions; or if you want to follow up with us after you have worked out some of this anxiety surrounding semen with a counselor, we would love that!

Hi Luc
thanks for your reply I completely understand I know this is something I have to deal with as I am scared it will effect future relationships.
it means a lot that you are rooting for me and supporting me gives me hope in my self
I tend to have a bad habit of researching a lot which makes the fears worse so its like I am feeding them which of course does not help , I am trying really hard to fight the urge to do a pregnancy test but I know I will give in to this and end up doing one for more reassurance I have already had a full normal period so I guess any other person would stop worrying but for me this is just not the case:(
I have been reading some other peoples posts who have the same fear as me on this website helps me a bit knowing that I am not the only one going through this,
I do have another question as I mentioned above about the sitting somewhere where someone may have ejaculated why does this not pose a pregnancy risk? is it referring to someone sitting naked or clothed and also does the same rule apply if it was maybe fresh semen/sperm? sorry I just want to know all this for myself for the future
also why is it not a risk for example like precum/cum on a guys hands transferred to clothes, door handles, etc then touched by a girl who may use the bathroom a little while later and touch herself? in my head this would class as a risk why does it not? is it because its INDIRECT?
im sorry once again for the really long message i really appreciate all the time you guys all take out to reply !