I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian?

[cherrymoon]

So before 5th grade (I'm in 7th now) I didn't really have a crush on any boys and I didn't know that you can like girls too so I just never had any crushes. I had a friend and I think I have a crush on her, we lost contact though :( but I don't know. That's kinda what made me realize I like girls and also I was really attracted to random girls on social media and like celebrities. I've only been attracted like one male person my whole like but he's Harry Styles sooo... I also saw that if you have only ever like male celebs and not people in real life then you are lesbian. So my main question is how would i know if im Lesbian or Bi? Thank you!

[Marisha]

Hi cherrymoon (cute name!),

Thank you for reaching out! So, I'm sorry to say this, but none of us here can really tell you what your sexuality is, because how you describe your identity is totally personal and up to you. That being said, what you've described here - possibly being attracted to another girl (I'm sorry that you lost contact, by the way ) - could definitely classify as same-gender attraction. No matter what label you decide on, you can take your time on doing so. It doesn't have to be set in stone. How do these ideas and experiences make you feel?

We do have an article about this on the site that will hopefully be helpful > The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer. Let us know if this stirs anything up for you!

[confusedinlove]

You're very young, and it sounds like your sexuality is just beginning to develop, so you may not know for some years, and that's okay - most people don't date at your age, anyway. But I want to leave you with one piece of advice that has helped me and a lot of my friends with the same question (bi or lesbian, specifically) - if you want to be a lesbian, you can be a lesbian. If you want to be bisexual, you can be bisexual. Your instinct may be to look within yourself and ask "who am I, really? Is my attraction to guys real, or comp het? Is my attraction to girls real, or do I just wish I was a lesbian because guys are so annoying? Who would I be if I didn't grow up in this society?" But those questions are philosophical, and the thing about philosophy is that it's exhausting and sometimes useless. What matters to your real life - what you should do, or how you should identify - is what you, the person you are right now, want in your life. If that's to be open to dating guys and girls, you can be bi. If that's only to date girls, you can be a lesbian. If that's not to date anybody at this point, then maybe you don't need a sexual orientation just yet, or if you really want an identity you can think about what you want for the future. But whatever your answer, it may change, and that's okay too.

[Urna]

Jumping in to say that I really appreciate confusedinlove's point about orientation markers being a matter of choice and comfort, and not a matter of discovering and describing "who you really are". These so-called labels exist for you to find community and some sense of stability in your life, because heaven knows gender and sexuality can be super confusing. But all that that means is that they exist for our use, not the other way around. Feel free to shift from identity to identity, or even to swim around in an undefined space for a while, if that's what's comfortable.