Scarleteen

General question: Is manipulation a type of abuse - emotional abuse specifically?

Background: In my first relationship I had a really toxic ex who used to say one thing but mean another. Like, he would hold the door open for me to “be polite” but also say “age before beauty”. He made disgusting innuendo about me being attracted to his prepubescent brother (which obviously I wasn’t because that’s a horrible pedophile thing) and it made me feel really bad about myself. If I ever made sexual innuendo about him (the ex) he made me feel guilt for being horny. He also made me think he was the only person that would ever feel romantic about me. (Obviously that’s not true - since then I’ve had lots of people hit on me and I even had a healthy relationship with a guy too.)

So yeah, was this first relationship an abusive relationship? Like, emotionally speaking mainly? (Although he did force me to make out with him and he touched my throat and butt when I didn’t want him too…)

I have nothing to do with the ex now but sometimes I think about this and it makes me feel really upset and the whole experience has given me pretty severe trust issues.

Hi Hel,

I'm sorry to hear that you went through this

And yes, I would call this abusive behavior. Here at Scarleteen, we define abuse as "Purposeful harm or mistreatment of another person, which can be verbal, emotional, physical or sexual. An ongoing pattern or cycle of such mistreatment or harm can characterize an abusive relationship." It sounds like this behavior was both purposeful and ongoing.

Why do you ask?