Scarleteen

Okay so this topic has been on my mind for a while.... I know sex is something that has been revealed to all of us at a young age due to older influences, porn and the internet, but I learned about BDSM when I recently turned 13, so for about a year and a half now. Also I don't mean like watched porn and then think I know things... I have done actual research and have looked at toys, kinks and plays, and tried to actually look into because its something I'm genuinely interested in. I personally don't find porn something interesting.... I don't like watching it and it doesn't turn me on whatsoever... but discovering BDSM was much different. So it sucks that I don't genuinely know someone who finds interest in BDSM at my age or would want to get into it which makes me feel weird and uncomfortable for liking it. I mean the BDSM community isn't the most loved community and that's for adults... I don't even want to imagine what it is like for me if I came out saying that's what I'm interested in as someone younger. It's also not exactly like there are multiple websites to express how I'm feeling or chat rooms for teens interested in BDSM. Sometimes i just want a friend or person to talk to about new things I've seen or heard/ learned about but can't and so it makes me feel like i don't know "weird" even though I know I shouldn't... it's weird when you feel like you are the only person who likes that around you so.... I don't know it would be a relief to know there are other teens who like BDSM.

Hi Red_Scarlet

You know, worrying that your fantasies and sexual desires are not normal is one of the most common experiences I think we see here. In other words, nothing about your interests or your fears is weird or wrong here. You're definitely not alone in being curious about BDSM as a teen and it's fine to be learning a little about it if you want to.

I will say that whilst in time BDSM may be a part of your sexuality, just because it's the first thing that's sparked your interest doesn't necessarily mean it's the only thing that will ever turn you on. Also, at 13, a lot of folks don't have many people around them to talk about their sexual interests or routes for expressing them safely with other people. We wouldn't really recommend sexual chat rooms to minors regardless of whether it was for BDSM or something more "vanilla". Feeling like you want an outlet and not being able to find it doesn't make you weird, just curious.

You might like this advice column that Heather wrote to someone in a similar position: BDSM fantasy: will it limit my sex life?

Was there anything in particular you wanted to touch on in more detail with this?

Hello,

For some reason I think my first reply was deleted(even though it said it was approved?)

But I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, my story is very similar to yours(including not telling my orthadox parents and trying to do a lot of research, although I haven't actually started trying it out, which I think was brave of you) and I am still working out the kinks.

Anyways, I also wanted to let you know that if you wanted to talk about BDSM or anything like that, let me know, I'm totally open to talking about it through private messenger on this site or through this board, whatever you are comfortable with. (hug emoji which for some reason is unsupported)

Note: I'm not exactly your age(16), but I actually just started learning about it a few weeks ago, and I wanted to talk with someone near my age to learn more.

(Just FYI, private user-to-user chat here isn't enabled for everyone's privacy and safety.)

On the board or through messages, this is my first time here

Welcome! . There's no kind of *private* user-to-user messaging available in any of the services on our site. However, users can talk with each other publicly but anonymously here on the boards as much as y'all would like, that's much of what they're here for!

OK, then we can talk on this board if it's comfortable for her.

Yep!

heyy rasp 100% would be okay with it sorry for late reply my computer was taken but it would be so nice to talk to someone and i dont think 2 years is a bad gap so im more then comfortable-

I'm so glad you got it back!

And yay, I have been looking for someone to talk about it for ages, all the "BDSM" groups I've found were either adults talking about their own sex life and struggles or things that are stadiums away from what I was looking for(read porn). I'm so happy I finally found someone I can talk about it with close to my age!

But I don't really know where to start, should we try to introduce ourselves further, talk about what we learned about BDSM...where do you want to start? (I have no preference)

My goodness it's like looking in a mirror of me 3 years ago (I'm 16 and came across BDSM when I was 13, and literally everything you said was 100% relatable). I don't know if it's weird for me offering to be a ear to listen because I'm two years older than you, but if you are cool with it, I'm cool with chatting because I've been looking for someone around my age to chat with that gets it and you seem to get it. I can give you my insta or hangout or whatever you want to use (I have anon accounts for talking about stuff like this for security/privacy assurance and I suggest you make one too, protecting your privacy is important). Sorry if I sound like a creepy predator or something, I'm just really excited to find someone so similar to me.
(Just fyi this isn't an invitation to sext or anything. I'm not interested in that. I'm just looking for someone to share kinky memes and talk about cool aspects of BDSM with.)
Also I feel that this is like self-advertising and might be against community guidelines so if is I will gladly remove it.