Why can't I get in a tampon?

[among]

I know questions similar to this get asked a lot, but I haven't really found what I was looking for. I'm 14, and a while back I got my first period and I managed using pads, even though I've been having heavy flows. However, due to the impending summer activities, such as swimming, I would like to begin to use tampons. I have tried on and off using the smallest size of tampons from tampax, and every time resulted in me having to throw it away unused. I haved looked into my vulva and found a hole which I believe is the vagina and I can barely get my index finger into it, and even that hurts. The tampon never seems to get into the hole. I suspected that it was the urethra for a while, but I read about the topic and it seems unlikely, however the worry is still there.

I've been reading a lot online regarding proper technique to insert it, and I've tried pretty much everything. Any advice is appreciated, thank you!

(Also, the back of my vulva hurts when I touch it. Could that be related?)

[Marisha]

Hi toastanon,

Ugh, tampons suck. I personally use a menstrual disc as my go-to period thing, but I understand that this option isn't available to everyone (I do recommend it, though)!

In any case, you're in luck; we have a few resources that should help. First, an ask column from a user struggling with the same issue: Vulva, I Hardly Knew Ye

I'll put the bulk of the suggested instructions that Heather offers here, but I recommend reading the whole thing for added context.

It's usually easiest for people to start with tampons that have an applicator. One you have one open and in hand, you'll want to first relax. When we're nervous or anxious, our vaginas tend to clamp shut, and our vaginal openings get very tense, which makes putting anything inside difficult or painful (this is the biggest reason why women experience pain with intercourse, for example). Next, be lubricated: you can get some vaginal lubricant and just put a few drops around the vaginal opening, as well as on the tip of a tampon. Then, the easiest way for a lot of people with vaginas is to just put one foot up on a chair or the toilet. Using your dominant hand, hold the middle of the tampon applicator between your thumb and your middle or ring finger, and put the top of that applicator at your vaginal opening -- sliding your inner labia apart first if they're covering your vaginal opening -- with it tilted towards your lower back -- in other words, at something of an upwards angle. Then you just press the bottom of the applicator up with your index finger (or your other hand if that works better for you) until the tampon is in. If you fumble with this, doing it while using a mirror can help. But having really looked at your vagina before you try again may already make a world of difference.

I also want to add that tampons are super drying (which makes sense - it's basically a sponge, after all) which is probably what makes insertion more difficult if you're are not used to inserting tampons. Therefore, the advice about relaxing your muscles, adjusting your position, and using lube will help a lot!

Second, to help with naming and navigating the parts of the vulva/vagina, refer to this article: Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

I'm unsure what you mean when you say "the back of your vulva." The vulva is the "outside" part of your genitals, comprised of the 'lips' or the labia, the pubic mound, the urethra, the clit(oris), and the vaginal opening. Basically, all the surface stuff. The vagina, bladder, and internal reproductive organs (uterus, ovaries, etc.) are the 'inside stuff', which is what I imagine you might mean as 'the back'? But you tell me. The Innies and Outies article has some helpful diagrams that might help.

[among]

Thank you for the response, I tried it out again with the technique and it worked well, I appreciate the help!