Scarleteen

(15 year old female) I’ve been masturbating for awhile now and I do get aroused a lot, I used to just rub my clit and that would do the job for me, I got curious one day after I overheard a conversation 2 girls were having about ‘fingering themselves’ so I decided to try that, I really felt nothing at all. Yeah I felt my fingers inside but I tried curling them, moving them around, and didn’t feel any pleasure. I decided to insert small things into my vagina like pens thicker than my fingers and I still felt no pleasure.
I’m scared I might not be able to feel pleasure during sex with a man, is this normal to not feel anything? should I try inserting something else?

Hi gwakgwak,

Thanks for writing us! I have a couple answers and resources for your question. One important thing to start off the bat with is that bodies are so vastly different everyone's experiences are bound to be different. There is no "normal" setting when it comes to pleasure. There are a lot of people with vulva's that do not enjoy penetrative sex and that is perfectly fine! If you already know what feels good to you, you dont have to add more in because that's what everyone else is talking about. Masturbation can be a fun moment of exploration in the body. So maybe penetrative sex isn't for you. Try finding other parts of your body you enjoy touching - pleasure can be found all over the body. This amazing article by our founder Heather and the equally amazing Sam, goes into more detail on options of masturbation. I'd encourage you to check it out. Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation
Quickies Masturbation It can be discouraging to feel like you aren't getting the response you want from one form of masturbation so I would encourage to focus on finding the ways that DO make you feel good. If you focus on what isn't working for you it can add to your frustration. Pleasure should be fun! So don't give up on your body's ability to enjoy things.

You mentioned trying to use a pen to practice with. I wanted to link you to a very helpful article on how to safely use items not designed for use as a sex toy. D.I.Y. Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition There's also a possibilty different kind of toys might feel better. They sell vibrating penetrative sex toys that might enhance sensation for you. But also it just might not be the thing for you.

In more specifics to your question of is this "normal to not feel anything," your question has been asked before on this site and recieved an awesome answer from Sarah. Not Feeling Much With Penetration What's Up With That? . I'd read this piece first but essentially what it discusses is that the vaginal canal simply does not have that many nerve endings comparative to your clitoris and external vulva. So even if you were a person who enjoyed penetration the sensation would still be lesser comparatively. We are told by media and society that penetrative sex is the ONLY kind of sex and to not have it is to be deficient and that couldn't be farther from the truth. Society often puts the pleasure of cisgender men first and everyone else second. This not only limits pleasure for non-cis men but it limits it for cis men too. Sex is so much more than JUST penetration and when you eventually find a partner you can try to explore all kinds of pleasure prioritizing both of your needs and desires.

So to answer your quesiton, yes this is perfectly normal and you will be able to feel pleasure especially if you expand your conception of what sex can look like. I hope this helps! Let me know what you think of these articles.

Best,
Val

Thank you! I’ve just been scared since I haven’t been feeling any pleasure inserting things, that I might not be able to have pleasurable sex with a man in the future, which I really do want to have pleasure when having sex with a man. This does help a lot though thank you

Hi gwakgwak, I'm glad to hear that the articles that Val posted were useful to you.

With regards to your concerns to feeling pleasure with men, the final article they linked you to: Not feeling much with penetration, what's up with that? is a great start to exploring the ways you can enjoy sexual pleasure with a cis male partner. There are many things that you can be doing at the same time, before, after, instead of penis in vagina (PIV) intercourse with a partner that can make for a pleasurable experience for you both. There is some great further reading linked at the bottom of the article as well.

As Val said

valerie4 wrote:"Sex is so much more ... and when you eventually find a partner you can try to explore all kinds of pleasure prioritizing both of your needs and desires."