Scarleteen

I'm the mother of a 13-year-old girl who has been accessing adult material through a fan fiction website. I fully understand this and would like to support her interest in sex and erotica and to help her develop a healthy, sex positive outlook.

However, I also want to protect her from material that she is not ready for -- eg, I don't think it's appropriate for her to be reading hardcore kink or BDSM fiction, and I don't know that fan fiction is the best source.

She has not had sex or any kind of physical intimacy yet (I know this for a fact). Unfortunately, I don't know how to guide her or where to go to help her access appropriate erotica -- if there is such a thing.

There appears to be a dearth of sexual materials (beside guidebooks) for the under-18 set. Where do I find healthy, sex-positive fiction and fantasy material for a teenager while avoiding anything damaging or degrading?

Thanks for your help.

Hi waffles100,

It's great that you're looking for ways to help her explore her curiosity around sexual media safely! The tricky thing is that any site or seller of sexual media isn't going to have things aimed at her age group because of all the laws around selling porn to minors. But, I think there are still some ways for her to explore sexual media safely, and most of them are book based.

One would be to look for Y.A books, particularly romances, that include sex scenes, since those would be written with audiences like her in mind. I found this list, which may help you: https://www.reddit.com/r/YAlit/comments ... ex_scenes/. If your local library has someone who specializes in the teen section, you could also ask them for recommendations.

Another thing to consider would be romances or erotic compilations aimed at adults, though you might want to read those ahead of time yourself if you have concerns about content. I actually would recommend the book "One Last Stop" as a potential starting place. It's a bubbly, queer romance with sex scenes (the author has at least one other book in the same vein, so if she likes it she also has more to read).

It sounds like you two may be pretty open with each other about sex. Have you two talked about this at all, including what kinds of avenues she's comfortable exploring (for instance, is she comfy being present for conversations with a librarian about this)?