Scarleteen

So I'm 15 years old (I'm nonbinary and AFAB) and I've never fingered myself before. I've seen my vaginal hole four times before but that's it. I've never put a finger up there or even a tampon, I tried but I couldn't. I don't have an imperforate hymen, I have an annular hymen so that's not the issue. I've also never seen my clitoris, it's extremely hooded. I tried pulling the hood back but the more I tried pulling it back the more butterflies I got in my hands and the more limp my hand became. I think it's because I was scared of hurting myself by pulling my hood too far back. When I tried opening my labia minora to see my vaginal hole I had trouble as well. I think I was scared of opening it too much that it would hurt. I was squatting but I was still having trouble seeing it. Articles say to try to put a finger in your vagina when you're aroused but I don't get mentally aroused because I'm asexual. I get physically aroused only after trying to masturbate for a bit, but I still I don't really get wet enough for that? A lot more people with vaginas have fingered themselves and I want to try that too. I'm not really coming from a place of feeling behind or feeling inadequate for not being able to finger myself. I know fingering isn't the only to masturbate but it's something I want to try. I want to get better acquainted with my body but I'm having trouble, if you could please help I would really appreciate it.

Hi there BONBONGOGGETEM, and welcome to Scarleteen.

It sounds like you're wanting to learn about your body, but at the same time anxious about it. That is a really normal experience to have: we can often feel anxious about things we don't know a lot about yet, however learning in a space where you feel safe can help with that.

The first thing that you can be reassured about is that you are very unlikely to hurt yourself or cause yourself pain doing something like pulling back your labia or clitoral hood. Imagine you're doing a stretch - you know when its a good stretch, and when its uncomfortable before any stage that you're in pain or causing an injury, it doesn't from 1 to 100 instantly if you take things at a gradual pace and listen to your body. Same things apply here.

That said, even when we know all the facts, we can still feel anxious. It is totally okay if you try moving back the hood and/or labia minora little bit more at a time, rather than needing to be able to see everything immediately the next time you try to take a look. Also, if being in a squatting position for longer than a few minutes is a bit uncomfortable, you can also sit on the floor, with your legs open, or with your heels together so your legs are in a kind of diamond shape, and then use a hand mirror or other small mirror to take a look (you may have to rock back slightly, but only a little so as not to need to activate your core, or if you need to rock back more, prop yourself up with some pillows for support). These more relaxed positions, as compared to an active squat, and so might feel a bit better too if you're wanting to gently and slowly explore this.

With regards to inserting things like a finger or a tampon, stress is something that can cause our muscles to tense up, which includes the muscles in the vaginal canal. Taking some time to get comfortable with the idea that you won't hurt yourself when touching the external parts of your genitals is a great start before adding inserting something into the mix. Once you're more comfortable with this, again, taking small, gradual steps will help.

Another thing you can try for comfort is lube - as well as being super great for all kinds of sex, including solo sex, and some folks even use it to assist with inserting things like tampons and menstrual cups regularly too.

There is more advice and detail on this in our article here, which It think you will find really useful: I cannot insert anything into my vagina. What should I do?

Once you've had a read, please let us know your thoughts, and any questions or curiosities that might arise for you.

Thank you for advice. I think I should just take me time and get more comfortable with my body and more relaxed so things can go more easily. I don't have anymore questions and again, thank you for your help!