Scarleteen

I hope this is the right place, I'm not sure..

I dated this guy (pilot) from June 2014 to October 2014. We had a lot of fun together on our dates and had planned more. When he found out he was leaving for training for 3-4 weeks. We said our goodbyes and countined to chat/ flirt throughout that 3-4 week period. Then he finished training and started working immediately in Seattle. He hoped to fly back several times, during that period but we only say each other once. He came over one night and we hooked up. Which was a very difficult decision for me because I was a virgin and never felt comfortable/ safe with other guys I dated. He never pressured me, but since our second date he gave me these feelings that I never thought I would feel until I got married. But I knew I wanted to take this step with him. Then 2 days later he went back to Seattle. We continued talking/texting, then I became very annsi about things and started listening to my friends opinions about the relationship. They were commenting on me being boring and how I needed to spice things up and ask if he was my boyfriend or boy toy. Then I felt kind a like he wasn't interested anymore. So I asked him " are you still enjoying getting to know me and is that what you want to be doing?" He said hes had a great time getting to know me, but he wasnt sure with his job he would able to spend any significant time with me. So we ended things.

From the middle of Oct till Nov 20th area I struggled with the ending of the relationship. But I chose not to contact him. It was just to difficult. After talking with my best friend, she suggested to send him a text and just keep it simple. Because, you'll never know if he wanted to text you, but he felt he couldn't. So on thanksgiving I texted him.. I hope you're having a great thanksgiving and I hope all is well with you? he responded with pretty much the same response. Then I suggested we grab some coffee sometime.. Then we didn't text. On a Saturday night 12/13 at 11:45 I got a text from him saying " Are you stalking me on eharmony? Lol!!" I responded with no. My friend asked to see a pic of the guy I had a huge crush on. So I showed it to here. Then he said " Ok. Weird. Lol!" Then we texted for a bit. My feelings for him never went away. But I wanted to play it cool and if he was interested he needed to make the next move.

Then last Thursday 12/18 he texted me "whatch up to, stalker? Lol!" Then we texted for two hours with flirty conversation. then I ended the convo because I needed to go to bed, bc it was 1am and I had a 15 hr day ahead of me starting at 6:30'am. I said "ok, Mr pilot! I've got to get some sleep. Have a good flight!" he responded with see you later! Which I felt was a good sign from him, right? I asked my friend and she was excited for me and said I think it's ok to send him a text, now!

So on Sunday 12/21 I sent a text " Hey Mr. Pilot! How's your Sunday going?" I felt comfortable doing that since he texted me. So it's thursday 12/25 and still no reponse from him. What should I do? I was never able to express my true feelings for him. Because I was to nervouse. I'm still in love him and would love to see if this could work. But with no response, I don't want him to think this girl is crazy. Should I text him today 12/25 " Merry Christmas". I'm just not sure what to do. If he's not interested then why is he giving me mixed signals? I've tried dating other guys. But immediately after the date I'm in tears, because I still love him...

I just don't know what to do?

Thanks and happy holidays!!!

Also I texted him last night. Merry Christmas Ben! I hope you were able to spend time with your family this holiday. He replied, " Merry Christmas Mariann! " then we texted for a while. My friend gave me some good advice. Just put the Sunday 12/21 that he never responded in the past.

Can you give me an idea of what you ultimately want here?

In other words, what are you seeking in still communicating with this person? Do you want to try and continue a sexual relationship? Do you want to create a platonic friendship? Is it resolution you are looking for to move on? Or.....?

I want him back. I don't care that he's gone a lot. He's a great guy and during our time apart. I realized that my feelings never went away and that I still love him. So to answer the question. I want him back its not a sexual thing and it never was for us. I was with him because we cared about each other. But the circumstances were tough. But I realized I dint care that if you love someone you make it work no matter what/

So, that is what you need to talk about then, and directly. In other words, you need to ask if there is time for you two to talk soon, not swap pithy texts. If he makes that time, then you state your wants here and ask if that is something he is interested in, and if his life has changed so there is actually time and room for that.

I think it has got to be pretty clear to you now with this that trying to "play it cool," rather than just being earnest and direct has not been serving you. And trying to act so casual when clearly you have very strong feelings just doesn't make any kind of sense to me. To get what we want with someone, or even have a shot at it, the least we usually have to do, is be clear about what that is with them.