Worried I may have given my partner herpes

[WayneB96]

Hi everyone, I'm really worried! Myself and my partner got into things and I ended up giving her oral for a few minutes. Not something I would usually do because I get coldsores and understand the risks, I stupidly did it this time around. Anyway afterwards I had noticed a blemish like lump in the centre of my top lip. I wasn't aware of this and to be honest didn't even think it was a coldsore. I've had no tingling which I always get and it doesn't hurt. It does seem elevated and now I'm panicking incase I've given her herpes. I'm freaking out, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I was stupid and reckless.

[Mo]

Hi WayneB96, and welcome to Scarleteen.

I can understand why this would be a stressful situation! Have you talked to your partner at all about your cold sores and been careful about not kissing her or sharing drinks when you have an outbreak or feel one coming on? If that's a conversation you've already had, then you've already laid the groundwork for the conversation to have now. If you haven't talked about this with her at all, and you need some thoughts on how to approach that conversation, that's something we could talk about with you.

I think the best thing to do is tell her you noticed what may be a cold sore (if you now feel certain that's what it is, tell her that, but right now it sounds like you aren't entirely sure) after having oral sex and let her know about that potential exposure. Herpes isn't something that's routinely tested for but doctors may be willing to do a test if someone knows they were exposed or if they notice an outbreak, so that's something she could talk to a doctor about. I don't know if you've talked to your own doctor about oral herpes, but you may find it helpful to check in with them about your own situation and see if something like a suppression medication, which would reduce the frequency of outbreaks, would be worth trying.